Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 8: Wonder What They Will Find... #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

When last we met, Snape was tied up in the forest and everbody was headed to the big game. Well, almost everyone... Let us return to El Guapo Romantico, already in progress.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
El Guapo is concerned about Duckling and attempts to make contact with her through an ancient technology called "telephone." When he is told she is not answering the phone, he borrows his mom's family truckster and goes a'callin after a very creepy conversation with his mom about how his dad liked it pretty and strange.

At the Duckling residence, El Guapo and Duckling take a drive in his mom's swank ride. They talk about the usual stuff teenagers get up to, but mostly about how they had participated in a felony. Duckling is upset that they left Snape up in the woods, but El Guapo is cool as a thing that is cool but decided to calm down someone that is not cool.

Duckling cries and that gets El Guapo a'thinking that maybe the other guys in the Killing Club are untrustworthy. The two of them decide to go up in the woods alone in the dark to release and old man tied up in the woods like to regular kids on a Saturday night. They chit chat about running away and how Snape reminds El Guapo of some fruedian thing, I forget what.

Then they get to the clearing and go to find Snape and let him go. He is fine, goes back to his wife, they raise their child and name him after El Guapo Duckling Snape to thank them from saving him. Snape becomes a better teacher, El Guapo and Duckling get married and have a great life and the other characters all get hit by a bus and then everyone lives happily ever after.

Kidding. Snape's dead.

Observations
1. El Guapo's mom's random questioning about his father is rather off putting and strange. I get that she would not like him to turn out like his no-good Pa, but dropping it in the narrative like this is odd.
2. Why the hell didn't Duckling call the cops if she was so freaked out? Of all the folks involved, she has the most to lose and the least amount of blame associated. Even if she could not flat out lie and say she as innocent, calling the cops would have cleared most of that blame completely.
3. At one point, Duckling utters the line, "I didn't mean to make such a big deal." She is referring to RELEASING A MAN SHE HELPED KIDNAP. I offcially do not give one shit about anyone in this story anymore except maybe the grandma and that is because she is one castle away from being a true Disney villian.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 7: Cops and Kidnappers #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 7 of Killing Mr. Griffin.

The Killing Club has caught the rascal Mr. Snape and is taking him to the waterfall. Will Cordelia become a better person once she sees the helpless Mr. Snape? Will Rocksteady learn to read? The answer to none of those is below.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Cordelia drives all crazy-like down the road and misses the turn to the water fall where she is supposed to meet the rest of the Killing Club. On the way up the dirt road to the waterfall, she thinks about what a bummer it was to be pulled over by a police officer (the reason she was late to the kidnapping) and is excited to get to the scene of the kidnapping. Why couldn't they have waited until she got there to do the kidnapping, she thinks. (Really).

Then we flashback to Cordelia's overprivledged youth and how she always got everything she wanted her way because she is cute and she knows it. We also learn the only people that do not seem to care if she is cute are Mr. Snape and Rocksteady. We also learn that Rocksteady's grip on people and influence travels to others beyond his peer group as he got kicked out of Snape's class last year because he convinced a college girl to steal an old paper for him. Cordelia secretly harbors a crush for The Dark One that Is Rocksteady despite dating Beebop.

At the waterfall, Betsy gets all excited at the prospect of roughing up Snape. Rocksteady taunts Snape, who is tied up but not all that bothered by the whole affair. The four of them tell Snape that they are many, they are legion, and they all want to watch him suffer and die for the way he teaches. Snape calls bullshit.

The Killing Club makes fun of him for a bit over the fact that he takes pills made from explosives. The highly intelligent captors even attempt to detonate one. Finally, they all decide to focus on Snape's college ring. When that passes, they tell him to beg. Snape says no.

Snape reminds Cordelia of the policeman and she gets all angry again. Rocksteady is all about Snape begging to be set free, so he refuses to just walk away like they agreed. Rocksteady convinces the others to leave Snape out in the wild alone and check on him after the big game that night. So that's what they do, leaving Snape lying in the dirt.

Observations
1. Is the point of the Cordelia description to make us hate the character or to hate the writing? We already got good guy El Guapo slipping his Gram a mickey last chapter, now we have to sit through some rich/cute/entitled girl's backstory?
2. I applaud the author's attempt to make our characters diverse and dark, but the shallow nature of each seem to extend beyond mere teenage self indulgence and importance and right into near sociopathic behavior. Only Duckling seems kind of immune, but she is our "soulful writer."
3. I have to applaud how Snape is written here. He almost seems in control of the situation despite being tied up. After all, he is the only adult present.
4. Are these really college seniors? Are all of them so self-absorbed that they have never noticed a relative or somebody on television take heart medication?

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 6: Next Let’s Kick a Puppy! #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 6 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

Well, it is time to get on with an old fashioned kidnappin. Will the Killing Club be able to get Mr. Snape and put him in his place? As the title suggest, probably not unless there is one hell of a twist. Read on to find out how it goes!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary

We hear Gram Guapo's inner monoluge of disapproval as she spies on a neighbor lady. Gram quotes some scripture, then gets the shock of her life when the neighbor closes her blinds to stop the old religious hypocrite from spying. 

El Guapo shows up bouncing happy and gives her green jello. Then he handsome young man and the old lady watch some television. Turns out, El Guapo drugged the old ladies jello so he could slip out and commit his nefarious Snape-kidnapping plot.

Then we cut to Ma Cordelia as she gets a call from Cordelia. Cordelia tells Ma that she is going to the movies with Beebop and the gang and have some cake. Cut to Cordelia and we find that the voices of Beebop and Rocksteady were only a tape! Duh Duh Dum! And the cake she asks Ma if they can have? She eats some and destroys the rest! Ingenious!

El Guapo shows up at the school with Beebop and Rocksteady. The three discuss the merits of drugging the elderly before El Guapo gets in the back seat of Snape's car. Then Snape and Duckling walk out of the school. Beebop's inner monologue rambles about Cordelia and other non-interesting things.

The plan is supposed to go in these steps:

A. From the backseat, El Guapo puts a bag over Snape's head.

B. Beebop is supposed to get in the passenger side and contain Snape.

C. Rocksteady will try to hold Snape and tie him up from the driver's side.

D. Take Snape to the waterfall.

E. Get milkshakes or whatever sociopathic kids do after a felony.

The plan goes like this:

A. El Guapo puts the bag over Snape's head.

B. Beebop gets in the passenger side to hold down Snape and quotes Shakespeare.

C. They get him tied up, but Cordelia is not there with the car so they take Snape's.

D. Duckling is freaked right the hell out, but waits for Cordelia. Cordelia talks her down but Duckling will not go with her to follow the boys.

E. Duckling is freaked out that Snape called out for her to run, showing more than the monstrous self preservation she had expected.

Observations

1. Okay, kidnapping a teacher is one thing, but drugging a crazy grandma? I guess kidnapping is a gateway crime. "Already decided to kidnap Snape, might as well drug grandma, too. Hey, is dog fighting still an option?"

2. So they have cellphones, Google and DVDs, but Cordelia uses a tape recorder? I guess there was a couple of years of overlap, but even by then computers were the superior recording/playback system.

3. Interesting inclusion of Beebop's inner monologue that he actually had learned some Shakespeare from Snape.

4. Snape's car dying as they try to take it is a nice touch. Nothing like hammering home the point that something bad is going to happen. 

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 5: Snape at Home #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 5 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, The Killing Club of El Guapo, Duckling, Cordelia, Rocksteady and Beebop were putting their plan to kidnap Snape into action. Did you wonder what was happening in Snape’s world, though? Me neither.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Mrs. Snape wakes up to find her husband in the shower. We learn that she is a country girl, has little to no formal education, can probably sing ever line of "Stand By Your Man", and is more pregnant than a bunny in springtime.

We also learn that Cityboy Snape is a closed off and quiet man who left his job at university to go into public school to teach the dark art of English. Countrygirl Snape flashes back to her husband talking about giving the kids of America the "tough love" approach. Snape understands that he comes off as a horrible person but thinks that he knows what is the right way to teach young people, namely beat them over the head with learnin' till their noses bleed.

Back in the present, Snape comes in to breakfast and tells Countrygirl that he needs his plot device pills and that he will be late because of plot reasons (ironic Killing Club plan is a GO!). He also tells her that he thinks Duckling is a great writer but will not tell Duckling that because he is a dick. He does claim that he will love his own child, though.

Countrygirl then tells him to tell Duckling she is good and pat her on the head. This angers Snape and he leaves in a huff. Countrygirl feels a cry coming on and blames it on preggo hormones and not this jerk who just dismissed her. Then... Countrygirl gets a terrrrrriblllle feeeeellllllinggg and and almost calls him back. Then he does come back and wishes her a cold "love you" goodbye. Then she gives herself the "he'll be different when the baby comes, he'll be like that teacher in Mr. Holland's Opus" pep talk and we fade to ominous black.

Observations
1. Why the hell would a tenured professor at university level leave to teach high school? Especially one as socially devoid as Snape? His reasons are shotty at best, as "molding young minds" seems pretty crappy to someone as cold as this man is with students.

2. Who the hell taught this guy? His reason for not telling Duckling she is a good writer: it would make her happy and maybe give her confidence. Wouldn't that suck?

3. Snape mentioned Google. I just realized that I am reading an updated reprint of this book. Now I get the jarring feel when cellphones and other things are put in the story. Most of the writing is from the original 1978 text, and it feels like it. Had I known this was the case with the copy I got, I would have protested, but I'll deal. Updating texts with modern terms is a topic for another day, but this is really jarring and not serviceable to the story.

4. Snape will love his own child... YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO, YOU DUMMY.

5. Snape reflects back on Chapter 1 when El Guapo's paper was blown away by the wind. I have to admit his thoughts about putting it in a notebook were my own. Damn, hoisted by my own snark.

6. Did Countrygirl Snape really need to a) have a premonition that something bad was going to happen and b) have characteristics of a co-dependent battered wife? Did Snape himself have to be such a jerk at home that you almost wait in breathless abandon for him to live up to the title? Just because someone is loved, does not mean they deserve it and it does not make them a better character to have character witnesses that suffer under their emotional abuse. This chapter seemed as clusmy to me as the inserts of modern tech, slapped in as a response that we did not get enough characterization of the big bad teacher.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 4: Duckling on a Date #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? Killing Mr. Griffin, that’s what.

 Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 4: Duckling on a Date.  All the checker pieces are on the board for the kidnapping of the century, save one. When we last left Duckling, she was watching a bird sacrifice itself to express her pathos. Will Duckling go along with the plan. Find out after the jump. 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling wakes up on Saturday to a ringing telephone. This is odd because noone in their right mind would want to talk to her as all she does on Saturday is sit alone, read and write, she tells herself.

Turns out, it is for her. And it is El Guapo. Squee.

El Guapo invites her out on a picnic with some friends all casual-like, cause yeah, he knows she will go. As she hangs up, her brother says something, but she is all, OMG.

After getting ready for her day with some plain clothes, Duckling gets a visit from her mom who is so excited and junk. Mom goes into mom-mode and decides to make some sandwiches for the picnic. And cold fried chicken. And chocolate cake.

Then Duckling makes the mistake of most semi-smart, awkward people and starts to overthink things. What are we going to talk about, what should I wear, what do I say if he asks me to kidnap/murder a teacher. Crazy thoughts that ruin most encounters before they begin.

El Guapo comes to pick her up and he does good parent. Her parents wish her well and she is off to join the Killing Club of Cordelia, Rocksteady and Beebop already in the car. When she gets in the car, everyone is nice to her. Drinking and driving, laughing and talking, just carefree kids on a carefree Saturday like a commercial or something.

The Killing Club makes their way through the woods and into a grove with a waterfall. They all sit down to eat and just have a wonderful time. Rocksteady lights a joint and everyone chillaxes. Then Duckling takes off her glasses and the mood shifts.

They tell her their plan to kidnap Snape and ask her to join in. Duckling does not believe them, and thinks they are kidding her but they assure her they are not. The plan is simple. Duckling asks Snape to stay after school, the boys grab him, Cordelia provides an alibi. A Simple Plan.

She agrees and gets a kiss on the forehead from El Guapo as a reward.

OMINOUS LAST LINE ABOUT HER NOT BEING HAPPY EVER AGAIN!!!

Observations
1. So we find out that Duckling is a writer, making her a clear author avatar. I have no real issue with this, just wanted to point out that the mousy quiet girl with the heart of gold is the sensetive, creative one. Duh.
2. Am I missing something or were picnics always potluck? Back in my day, you invited a lady to a picnic you grabbed a blanket and stopped by the Kentucky Fried and got yo'self a platter to go. Simpler times.
3. When the popular people are nice to you, beware. Especially if a remote location is involved. S'all I'm saying.
4. I actually do like the scene where they tell Duckling the plan. Her taking off her glasses is a bit forced a metaphor, but it works.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 3: Everybody's Gram Poops #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 3 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, Beebop, Rocksteady and Cordelia had come up with a brilliant plan to kidnap their archenemy, Mr. Snape. Will El Guapo, the most hansomest kid in class, feel like joining in?

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
We cut to El Guapo, busy making himself a sandwich. He takes the time to talk to his grandmother and learns that she watched game shows and his mom did not leave the old lady lunch. As he goes to fix her jello, we can all reflect on what we can learn from the old and elderly abuse.

Or we could reflect on how women always leave you which is what El Guapo does as he thinks about his single parent mom. Then we learn the grandmother is the dead beat dad's mom, and our opinion of her improves. We listen in to more of El Guapo's thoughts as he does the dishes:

"My dad was as hansome as me. My mom must have liked him, being so handsome and all. I don't want to help my dirty, lying Gram to the bathroom..."

While waiting for Gram to evacuate her ancient blatter, he goes to the phone and thinks of all the fun he could be having if he were not such as maxi dweeb that comes home right after school and hangs with his grandmother instead of having friends. He also thinks about how his mother is a spinster and how he will go to college someday as long as he makes good grades. I think he also decides to sing a few bars of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Then El Guapo goes to the dark place. The place he rarely allows his mind to travel. English Class. Snape is mean.

A great author once said that when he was stuck on a scene, he just had a guy with a gun show up at the door. Rocksteady shows up. El Guapo walks him to the Beebop's car where Beebop and Cordelia are waiting. Rocksteady gives El Guapo the basics of the kidnap plan and El Guapo says he is for it and he will meet them later at the library after he gets his Gram from the bathroom.

*Observations*
1.  I wish I was kidding about the bathroom thing.
2.  He has a CD player and his friends have cellphones... For some reason I was imagining this book happening in the late 70s and everybody as the cast of Carrie, but that's probably just a product of my 80s built imagination.
3. I was kidding about the singing.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 2: Kidnapping Snape #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reads for Chapter Two of Killing Mr. Griffin, a talking head scene that gives us some insight into our characters and serves as the launching point for what can only be a bunch of horrible mistakes and wacky misadventures.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
When we last left off, everybody was at school and Mr. Snape was mean... Now they are not at school and everybody is mad...

Beebop is hanging at the malt shop with Rocksteady and Cordelia. The three are discussing how unfair their horrible teacher Mr. Snape is when Rocksteady hatches a plan. He leads the others outside and tells them they should kidnap Mr. Snape.

The two of them think this is a grand idea because apparently this happens a lot in their town. The three agree they need a decoy and an alibi guy, nominating El Guapo and Duckling respectively. El Guapo will do it because he's a cool dude with all the right movies. Duckling will do it because Snape's all ways bringing her down and El Guapo is dreamy.

We are treated to a flashback of when Beebop met Rocksteady. Rocksteady had just moved to town and chose Beebop as his new bestie. Then he invited Beebop to meet up with him after school for something to do with a cat. I'm gonna assume kitty costume contest.

Back in the present, everyone is jazzed that nothing can go wrong with the simple high school prank of kidnapping the most hated teacher in school.

Oh, and it was not a kitty costume contest. Rocksteady set a cat on fire.

Observations
1. Very convienent the kids just now start talking about killing the horrible teacher. I don't want to get morbid, but you really don't have to put this kind of foreshadowing in a book where the title announces what could happen. Duncan (the author) could have the kids already planning his murder, like teenagers are want to do.
2. More show don't tell that seems to be common in YA fiction. The previous chapter already showed some signs the teacher is a jerk, why not show the scene where he makes a kid beg for another chance instead of having the kids say what already happened?
3. So here we have the psychopath, the mook and the doll all ready to pull off a job. How the hell am I supposed to think these people are in high school?

_Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment._


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