Callin: Walden, pp1-12

A little background before we begin.  Today, December 12, 2012, my cell phone died.  My contract is not up so I can not afford to replace the phone until the contract ends on February 13, 2013.  So, for these two months, I am without a device that I have spent the better part of a decade attached to.  For the 53 days I am without cellphone, I am reading 10 pages or so of Henry David Thoreau’s Walden and learning to live a little more simply.

So, what happened?

We began Thoreau’s journey in the woods.  He explains the nature of the text, then the experiment and then of men as a whole.  Highlights include how he can only tell his own story in first person because that’s how he told it to himself:

“In most books, the I, or first person, is omitted; in this it will be retained; that, in respect to egotism, is the main difference. We commonly do not remember that it is, after all, always the first person that is speaking. I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.”

how much schoolin he’s had:

“They have no friend Iolas to burn with a hot iron the root of the hydra's head, but as soon as one head is crushed, two spring up.”

what he thinks about people:

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

and that old people suck:

“Practically, the old have no very important advice to give the young, their own experience has been so partial, and their lives have been such miserable failures, for private reasons, as they must believe; and it may be that they have some faith left which belies that experience, and they are only less young than they were. I have lived some thirty years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors. They have told me nothing, and probably cannot tell me anything, to the purpose. Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me; but it does not avail me that they have tried it. If I have any experience which I think valuable, I am sure to reflect that this my Mentors said nothing about.”

What do I think?

This is honestly the ballsiest way to begin a book I think I have ever re-read.  A treaty to “look at how smart I am and here’s why you all suck.  Yes, even you, the asshole taking a minute out of his miserable day to read how much you suck.  Get a job you love, hippie.”

Thoreau throws down the gauntlet to prove how smart he is by quoting scholars, poems, Greek myths, and even latin.  I understand it was common in the day for a man of wealth to be educated like that and to be expected to show that knowledge as a societal placement, but as he continues... There is just no subtlety in the craft of writing here.  Yeah, he turns out some awesome phrases and shows some insight into the human condition, but the fucking arrogance of it as he moves into his treaty about how most people just plain out suck at being.  Just that.  “Being, full stop.  You suck at it.”  

His point here is that men, the great mass of humanity, go through life with blinders on, stumbling through life as reactionist jerks rather than proud men striving for more.  They get into or are given debt, work themselves to buy more debt, and then die.  And he has a point, except for the unseen hand pointing at his own chest saying, “I see it differently.”  If you watch much stand up comedy, this is the basis for a lot of acts, but they hide it behind a layer of humor.  Thoreau just says it and moves on with little deference to the audience.

Thoreau reminds me of one of those dating tip guys.  “Okay, first you gotta make them feel bad about themselves because humanity ain’t that smart then you compliment them and you have them in bed in no time.”

Then he moves on to how nobody can teach him anything (after displaying all that education) because he is his own vessel for learning.  He talks about past generations of people and growing their knowledge.  And do not take the assumption that he is implying “standing on the shoulders of giants,” building on the knowledge of the old.  Nope.  He basically calls out every generation before him and tells them they did not know shit and the new people, himself mostly, are breaking new ground in the areas of knowing shit.  Then he illustrates that by talking about a farmer with vegetable bones.

For the first twelve pages of Walden, we see the birth of stand-up comedy without the jokes.  That is the best way I can put it.  I can guarantee you that somebody at some point after reading this tried to make a speech and impart these ideals and got booed something fierce.  Then his buddy said to the future comedian, “You know, they might like you if you told some jokes.”

Thoreau in these first pages stands tall, tells the truth as he sees it, and uses some analogies to make his point.  His point?  Most people suck, have always sucked, and the best hope they can have is to suck less.   

And you know what?  He kinda has a point.

Book Review: Cold Days by Jim Butcher

Cold Days, Book 14 of the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher

Why this series means so much to me, AKA Why I will always be slanted to liking it.


2008ish was dark times for me.  Without going into details, I had some personal issues that now seem kinda laughable and easily fixed, yet at the time were painful as hell.  Some aspects I guess still are, but hey, what's drama without a little lasting pain, right?   

As I always have at times of stress, I withdrew into worlds of fiction.  Call it a coping mechanism, a distraction, whatever, I have always found solace in make believe.  At other times, I have found authors like Stephen King, J K Rowling, Rick Riordan, Mark Twain, Neil Gaiman and William Blake to talk me through my pain.  In 2008, I found Jim Butcher.

He had been around way before then.  He was already nine books into the Dresden Files (or so, right around the time of White Night) and halfway done with the Codex Alera series.  Never being a huge fan of high fantasy, I dove into the Dresden Files rather than Alera, but eventually read them all within a single month.  

Why am I telling you this?  To give a little context to my review and my devotion to this series.  Is the Dresden Files perfect?  Sometimes.  Do I have problems with it?  Sometimes.  Will I have every book that Jim Butcher puts to paper waiting in my pre-order box until either he or I dies?  Yes.  In every way, yes.  Mr. Butcher helped me get through a dark time and for that I will always be grateful and very fanboyish.  

After stating the above, I hope that you see that what I am about to say is a less than objective opinion, but it is as close as I can come.  Reading what Mr. Butcher has written always fills me with joy, even when the English major in me is catching every little bit of purple prose and "said bookism" (he said, fanboyishly).  

Also, this is the thank you I wish I had told to Mr. Butcher when I met him at DragonCon a few years back.  He is a very nice and talented man, adept at dealing with fanboys like myself in a gracious manner.  At least I did not make a fool out of myself like I did with Eric Powell.

***Warning! spoilers ahead, for this book and the series as a whole.  It's the 14th book in the series, folks, there's just things I am going to need to talk about.***

Summary

Harry Dresden, professional wizard, is back (from the dead) in this 14th installment of the Dresden Files.  As the Winter Knight, Harry is tasked to do the bidding of fairy queen Mab.  Her first order: assassinate an immortal.

What I liked

All things Dresden

If you are a fan of the Dresden Files, you know what I mean by that.  The pop culture references, the pithy dialog, the hell yeah fist pumping moments, the clever turns of tropes, the clear descriptions and noir feel that make up the Dresden Files.  Wrap that up in a supernatural taco topped with familiar creatures behaving in wild and unpredictable ways and you have a fun read.

Character interaction

Some major stuff has happened in the last two books of the series, and this is partially our pay off.  With Harry dying at the end of Changes, every reader wondered how this would affect everyone in Dresden’s life.  We got to see the spiritual side of that in Ghost Story, but here we see the physical reactions as Harry walks up to people and says “hi.”  Most act in heartwarming and entertaining ways, from Mouse’s tackle and slobber to random paramedics “Huh, though I heard you died.”  Plus, we finally get at least a moment of Karrin and Harry being happy with one another, if only for a moment.

Pacing

This book moves like a frieght train, each word connecting to each other forming a chain that just. Does. Not. Stop.  Then it does because otherwise it would require a kid named Bastion and a little girl named “Moon Child” to round out the cast.  Harry bounces around from one person to the next, taking his moments before being attacked by new and exciting monsters that pose more of a threat than ever before.

I still care

Long running things suffer.  That’s par for the course in any medium.  Television shows do the “it was all a dream” episode, video games become rehashes or failures of the same old formula, and George Lucas decides to have a comeback tour in cinema.  Mr. Butcher somehow still makes his characters and situations interesting and his plots engaging, though.  I still want to see how these characters go about their lives, and Mr. Butcher seems to, too.  That’s saying something.

What I didn't like

Mired in backstory

If you have never read a Dresden Files novel, then I have two things to say to you: 1) why are you reading this review? and 2) Why would you ever think about reading this book first?  I can not answer the first question, but the second answer is “because you do not know any better.”  The reason you do not know any better?  Because the book makes every effort to tell you that.  After we get through Harry’s recovery, nearly every chapter has an introduction to someone we have seen before and an explanation or mention of a past event from the previous 13 novels.  As much as I praise Mr. Butcher for staying consistent, this also leads to a heavy case of continuity lock-out of new readers.  A new reader would both have tons of information spoiled for them that could have been written more vague and at the same time lose the emotional weight that goes along with gaining that information the long way.  I get that this series is heavy in continuity, but that’s why we have the internet now.  Author’s do not have to do all the heavy lifting, they just have to make it engaging.  In the next book, I suggest a fuckton of footnotes or employing the services of a Marvel comics editor to interject with “Check out Novel X for that story, true believers” instead of telling us the story.

Dull tropes

This almost feels nit picky, so I am not going to go very far with it, but... Does every woman that tries to have sex with Harry early on in a book turn evil or at least morally gray?  Does he have to believe them every time?  Did we need the damsel in distress quips (poor Andi)?  There are somethings that need to be left behind with the private investigator title, Mr. Butcher.

Overtly sexual and adult

This series has never shied away from strong language or sexual behavior.  There have been “f-bombs” and naked people writhing in every way possible, but they never felt... This book almost made me blush, and I am a single man with a high speed internet connection, loose morals and a lot of time on my hands.  The indulgence may have been the intention, to show Harry’s new place in the world, but if it was at times it went a little overboard.  The same with use of the word “fuck.”  I do not have a problem with it, but in earlier books it was a true “f-bomb,” meant to prove that someone was really serious about their feelings on a situation.  Now it seems casually thrown around, either because everyone is really serious all the time which lessens the impact, or because Mr. Butcher said, “to hell with it, grown people cuss.”  I’m fine with either, but it seems rather ambiguous given the language in the previous books.

Who would like this?

Urban fantasy readers.  Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman readers.  If you read through the last 13, then this is on your reading list.  If you have not, go back to Storm Front, get through that (It is not bad by any stretch, but the series does not get really fun until the prisoner says “Daaaaammmn” in Fool Moon), then make your way through the series.  My advice?  Do the world a favor, find that sixteen year old that sneers at everything but secretly reads Harry Potter and slip it in his or her backpack.  

Was it banned?

I could not find a case where this series has been banned, but the use of magic, challenges and direct references to religious views, and adult nature of these books make them a shoein to be a teenager’s favorite and a stick-up-their-ass principal’s nightmare.

Join me on Goodreads

Movie Review: Cabin in the Woods

Four friends go to a cabin in the woods for the weekend but things go horribly wrong due to the machinations of a higher power.

What I liked:

The concept of the story is great

This movie has a background concept where it deconstructs the horror genre without parodying it. Smartly written and directed, the movie has many things audiences have seen before portrayed in a whole new light.

Buckets of blood and surprises.

Make no mistake, even as a deconstruction, this is a horror movie and not for the feint of heart. Where Scream was also a horror deconstruction but rather tame, this goes all out and paints the walls red.

What I disliked:

"Twist" is told too early

I would have enjoyed a hold out of what is happening behind the scenes to the characters, but I can see how that would have annoyed audiences. A little more mystery would have gone a long way.

Some turns in character are too easily done.

As with the twist, this movie assumes a lot from the audience's suspension of disbelief. The filmmakers had me pretty early agreeing to go along with whatever they decided to do, but too easily could someone sit back and poke holes in various elements.

Hard to describe to others

Is it horror? Yeah, but not really. Like Scream? No, but kinda. Is it funny? Yeah, but really dark. Would I like it? I have no idea, but you should see it.

Who would like it:

Horror movie fans that like a meta concept.

Movie Review: Skyfall

 Movie Review: Skyfall 

James Bond is back in his twenty something outing as a super spy out to stop a bad guy from terrorizing the world.  Insert more generic James Bond plot information here.

What I liked:

Acting

The actors in this movie are giving it them all to create emotional and engaging characters. Daniel Craig is believable as an aging super spy beaten down by his job but still devoted to queen and country. Judy Dench is simply Judy Dench, full stop great acting that gives gravitas to her character's difficult portrayal by the screenwriters. Javier Bardem???? creates an engaging and enigmatic villian that holds his own against some of the best of the James Bond villains, a credible threat using dubious methods.

Visuals

A beautiful movie shot very well. Establishing shots are sweeping, character moments are surrounded by well crafted sets, and the action is clear and immediate.

Action

Speaking of the action scenes, they take even the most unbelievable situations and make them exciting and tense. If the movie did anything right, it was making the threats and the heroes active and violent without going over the top.

What I disliked:

Story

I am a James Bond fan and fan of spy films in general, so I am used to world in peril plots, but this movie fails to deliver. Halfway through, the plot gets almost thrown away and we are shoved into a movie about something else entirely.

Characterization

Ever wanted to watch a James Bond movie and utterly hate James Bond? This is the movie for you. Sure, he’s stood by and watched the people (i.e. Bondgirls) die before, but not like this, folks. This is super casual Bond-Don’t-Give-A-Shit.

Themes vs What happens

This movie is all about what happens when you live too long with a licence to kill. I think that’s what they were trying for, anyway. It becomes a violent, over-the-top kill fest with a less than memorable bad guy and a few twists that could have been avoided by turning off a flashlight.

Who is this for?

Die hard James Bond fans that don’t care about story.

Really excited for Iron Man 3 and Django Unchained. Will watch DH4 and Gangster Squad. Red Dawn will be great on TBS.

24 Television Review

What if Die Hard were a soap opera? Kiefer Sutherland’s only long running television appearance, 24 tells the story of Jack Bauer as he goes through the eight worse days of his life. Each episode passes in real time for 24 episodes to make a full day each season as Bauer and his team race to stop some terrorist threat.

What I liked:
Action - The action in this show is top notch and is the star of the show. Between the interpersonal conflicts and long winded speeches there are almost movie level gunfights full of one liners and full on “that guy just died for real” moments.
Characters - Jack Bauer is Dirty Harry and everyone around him better get the hell out of the way. Over the eight seasons, other characters come and go and most of main cast (especially Marylynn Riescub as Chloe) make a huge impact on the viewer, but how Bauer makes an impression on each of them is priceless.
Twists - There are some truly good twists that I did not see coming. Good guys become bad guys, Bad guys become good guys and folks just die out of nowhere. Add that to the cliff hangers that occur between episodes and you get for some long viewing periods.

What I didn’t like:
Dialog - The dialog in the first couple of seasons and often beyond is laughable and noticeable with exposition. “Yes, I just walked into the area and I don’t like that guy.” “Why not, Jim?” Because, Steve, just last hour he shot my dad and in the next hour he’s gonna blow up LA with a radioactive bomb?” How do you know? “Because he told me when we were having dinner this morning when we still worked together.”
Repetitive - If you watch the seires like I did, streaming or on DVD, straight through, you notice a lot of the same tricks pulled out of the same bag. At this point, some dude will turn out to be evil. Around midseason, everything you thought you knew was wrong?! Also, Jack gets repeatedly beat to hell, but you know by the ticking clock that he’s still got X amount of time to make it somewhere.
Coincidence - There are some points where everyone almost randomly goes to the same place, or two factions seem to need the same thing and use the same guy to get that thing. I was only casually watching the series, so some plot threads may have eluded me as I drifted away, but often it seemed like things coincided on this show at really helpful or unhelpful moments. “You mean the president is in town with his incompetent assistant the same day that the shipment of the virus is coming in. Thanks, guy who just happened to know all this!”

Who would like this?
I dunno. If you liked Die Hard, I’d say put it on in the background while you exercise and have fun. There’s some good moments and enough of them to keep you interested. The only problem may come when streaming or on DVD as each episode ends with a cliffhanger that continues immediately on the next episode. Can become editing.

Mark of Athena Book Review

I read the new entry in the Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus universe by Rick Riordan, Mark of Athena. Here’s my opinion:

What I liked:
Realism - The book and the series as a whole is filled with real people that do realistic things in the face of adversity, i.e. heroes.
Relationships, unromantic. Since all the characters have been introduced in previous books, I was delighted to see how these personalities clash and conform to each other throughout the book. I wished more attention was dealt to the group as a whole, but I feel that will come with later entries as this gives a more fragmented view as how
Detail - As in all of Rick Riordan's books, tons of myths and callbacks from previous books are evident. I found myself looking up more information on these old gods as much as I did looking up references to the other books.

What I didn’t like:
Relationships, romantic. There are great moments of romance in this book, but they rest squarely between Percy and Annabeth. Without giving spoilers, there are three moments spread throughout this book that show how these two characters have grown to both support and care about each other. And that’s the key word. Show. The other characters romantic relationships are just told to us through passages of internal narration that leave little to be desired.
Shifting narration - As Riordan’s other series, The Kane Chronicles, I think this book suffers from having a central narrator. I see why he would want to show multiple viewpoints, especially with such a diverse cast, but something is lost as it feels we get less in the way of following a story and more plodding from one place to another.
Pacing - Tied to the shifting narration is the choppy pacing of the book. One location to the next, jumping from action to long periods of quiet contemplation. This works at times, but the focus on all the various characters in their own narrated chapters breaks the book into fight/wait, fight/wait, instead of keeping the plot moving.

Was it banned?
No, it’s new. So far, I can see no particular instance of banning of this series, but parents may have issues with some of the relationship things, however chaised they are, the dark elements of the books and the violence.

Who would like this?
Teens and older who liked the Percy Jackson series or Harry Potter, boys and girls alike. The same attention to detail and humor with likeable characters exists here, just get ready when the power of love does not solve everything. Anyone who digs greek and roman mythology. Possibly comic book readers, as these kids have awesome powers. Aquaman can be cool.

Kitchen Confidential Book Review

Summary
An autobiographical tale of one man's love obsession with food and the business of making food. Anthony Bourdain, famous chef of television and New York kitchens, gives an unflinching look into the business of food.

What I liked
Writing Style. Bourdain's story is told in a rambling, disjointed style that comes across more like a diary or book of short stories than a narrative memoir. This has positive and negative effects, the positive allowing the book to feel like a stranger telling you stories at the end of a heavy nights drinking at the bar.
Characters. The stories are filled with a cast of disjointed, eclectic individuals that make a prison yard look like a kindergarten. Punctuated with stories of success and excess, these people carry the stories as you learn their strengths in the kitchen and their weaknesses in life.
Honesty. The book is unflinching in the sex, drugs and rock and roll that Bourdain lived in. The candid nature of the text made me at times look back at my own time in kitchens and the reasons why I would go back and the reasons I ran screaming.

What I didn’t like
Sometimes distracting food porn. This book is as much about food as it is about Bourdain's life. This book has more food porn than the Hunger Games as the chef goes into detailed lists of various dishes in various languages. This can sometimes break the narrative or derail it entirely, sometimes distracting to the point that this reader had to stop and make a sandwhich or two to stop a growling stomach. This gives points to the effectiveness of his descriptions, but can stop the reading cold.
Broken biography. As I stated above, the writing style has negative moments. Like the food porn, jumping from story to story, life point to life point can be frustrating for the reader as it interupts the flow of the narrative. This might be just me, but when a writer gives candid and detailed descriptions in most of his text, the "boring" parts that are glossed over are just that more apparent.

Why was this book be banned?
I have no evidence of this book being banned from a school or library, but do not expect this book to be handed out at student job fairs. Graphic language including tales of sex, drug use and all around debauchery fill this book with a sometimes delightful glee.

Who would like this book?
Liberally minded foodies will also enjoy the obvious love of food in these pages. Adults who also indulge in books about rock stars cutting loose will enjoy the hell out of this book. I fear and hope that some teenagers out there get this book into their hands, as I believe as much as this book fills me with nostalgia it would prepare those who would venture into kitchens either as temporary employment or as a career.

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The Red Pyramid Book Review

The Red Pyramid (The Kane Chronicles, Book 1) by Rick Riordan

An extension of the Percy Jackson universe, gods, magic and heroes live among us in this tale of the Kane children, Carter and Sadie, as they learn they are the descendants of Ancient Egyptian magicians.

If you or your children liked the Harry Potter books, these may be the natural extension of that type of world and myth building. By bringing ancient myths into the present day, this tale of action and adventure teaches as well as entertains.

Now that all the boring stuff is out of the way, what did I think really?

What I liked

• Myths and legends of Ancient Egypt are really cool. Riordan’s interpretation of these figures in modern day settings makes for some fun and entertaining moments, such as the cat goddess grooming herself and other things that sound creepier than they are. Also, pointing out all the little Egyptian artifacts that are still in use today makes walking to the store all that more exciting.
• Riordan does not talk down to the audience. This book is kinda mean in the way the characters (preteen children) are knocked around, beaten down, and straight up told they are going to die more than once.
• Small nods. There are various small nods to both the Percy Jackson books as well as other mythologies, the biggest being Moses. I am excited to see if Riordain expands on this. (I really, really want him to write a Norse myth series.)
• F-Yeah moments. More than one time you will find yourself raising your fist as Carter and Sadie rise to an occasion, beat a bad guy silly, or just get off one good line.

What I did not like

• The characters are a little stale and oddly defined. As mixed race children, more than once it is mentioned that Carter is African American and Sadie looks more European American and was raised in London (complete with an British accent) but this rarely comes through in the story. This is an interesting choice, but part of me thinks it was wasted and the other part of me thinks it was done to give depth the kids did not need. I would have liked this choice better if it had been handled with more subtlety rather than the odd mention or use of British slang terms as this would have given each character a unique voice rather than the same voice with different terms.
• Alternating chapters. An extension of the last point, as each sibling hands off the story to the other, the effect is either jarring or simply “man, I was having fun with him/her.” The effect is used in other fiction (Game of Thrones) to give alternating perspectives on the same events or “what was also happening while...”, but here (with few exceptions) both children are present for every event and have the same perspective. Each of their voices is nearly the same, asking why this had to be written this way.
• Use of Egyptian Names. This could have bothered me more than in the Percy Jackson books because I am more familiar with Greek/Roman mythology, but each time I was given the name of this god or that, I forgot it. Notice how above I keep mentioning “cat god?” No idea what her name was and she was my favorite character. Saying this and also saying that it teaches me stuff (above)... well, I am old and do not really care. I do see this making children go running to Wikipedia, though. (God help us.)
• Setting. Hogwart’s. Camp Halfblood. Sound familiar? Because these are home base. They are a safe harbor and a known entity. Children’s books need this place, a comfortable setting, because they give the audience a place to return to where everything in the book can operate with the book’s world rules. I am fine with Indiana Jones running around the world, but Harry Potter better get his ass to Hogwart’s at some point. This book does not have that, or at least introduces then destroys at least two. It keeps the story loose and moving, but this also takes away something for the audience to connect to.

Why was it banned? Justified?
I could find no instance of the Red Pyramid being banned in a school or library, but that does not mean it could not happen. The abundancy of mentions about worshiping the gods (not Christian) and mention of Christian mythology may lead more religious parents to dislike this book, if not for the blatant mention of magic. Some parents may also not wish their children to be introduced to the idea of mixed race children (however poorly handled) until the child (and parent) is ready to tackle the idea of racism (or they could just be bigoted assholes. Yeah, I’ll judge you on that.) A wild number of murders and deaths also happen in the book, mostly offscreen, that may make some parents want to hold off until the kid is older.

Doctor Who: "The Angels Take Manhattan" Review

If you have not watched the latest episode of Doctor Who, "The Angels Take Manhattan," then just skip this review as I may spoil some things as I rant and rave.  Go.  Close this and go watch it if you care, then come back and give me another hit on the website.  Do that anyway, if you are feeling funky.  Hint, hint.

Also, I am going to rant and rave about the new Doctor Who in general because I do not think I have done that, at least in a while, so if you have not watched since the Christopher Eccleston days, probably spoilers there, too.  They are all on Netflix, go nuts.  Start with Blink, not because it pertains to this episode but because it's just really good television.

Okay, on to the ranting and raving.

Summary:
The Angels are back and in Manhattan.  After Rory gets sent back in time, Amy and the Doctor follow and with River Song attempt to put right what once... well, things happen.

What I liked:

• The atmosphere and overall noir-ish feel that it kinda sorta had.  Could have used more of this.  New York is given full treatment and I really wanted to visit it again after watching this episode.
• The cast.  I really like to see these people play.  Matt Smith, Karen Gillian, Arthur Darvill and Alex Kingston, regardless of how you feel about their characters, are really, really good at making everything seem fun and in the moment.  I never question why these people are together.
• The Angels.  I am probably the first person to say this on the internet, so here goes: The Angels scare the crap out of me and I really like the opportunities they give for the writers to play with time in story. Plus, baby Angels and the pitter patter of little feet.  Shudder.
• The good use of a goodbye.  Done twice, but the first time is more effective.

What I disliked:

• The last minute fix to the paradox.  This was a blatant rip-off of the Rose goodbye in Series Two, but with the Doctor having nothing to do with the final decision.  There is only tension and storytelling goodness when there is hope that the hero will save the day and he does not.  That is what makes a character send off good. Which is what they realized so the writers wrote...
• The twist.  Out of nowhere, with little to no foreshadowing and almost disrespectful to a character that for the last four years is the only one to see even the smallest amount of growth.
• The unexplained.  How are the Angels back after being erased?  How do they get around the galaxy?  What happened to that whole "look them in the eye thing?"  What happened to "they can not move even if they see themselves?"  And how does that one statue walk down the middle of Manhattan with no one noticing?  I think it would be pretty awkward if it just got stuck because a homeless dude could not sleep.  Blah, plot holes, plot holes, sticky sticky plot holes.
• River Song in general.  Do not get me wrong, I like the idea of the character and enjoy seeing her on screen working with the others, but she just seems to show up and know everything.  Which I guess is what the Doctor does, but now knowing her back story this seems improbable.

On the whole, a good episode that seemed to be a monster of the week.  Care did not seem to be taken to give the send off that we had been waiting for and I hope this becomes relevant in the future.  The tired themes that people age while the Doctor does not and that the Doctor needs a companion have been told better and way too many times.  Seems they could come up with more interesting themes and stories for a being that has traveled all of space and time for 1,200 years is all I'm saying.

About Moffet's 11th Doctor run in general:  I like it, but it does not have the cohesiveness of the Davies run that I came to expect.  The grand story lines, multi-part episodes that all build to a conclusion seem to have been dropped, which has lead to a lack of character development in general.  The stories do not serve the characters or give them depth.  Ask yourself: what do each of these characters need and what do they want and how are those at opposed at any given time?  The Doctor needs companions and wants adventure, so he gets it.  Rory needs a backbone and wants Amy, so he gets it.  Amy needs a life and wants adventure, so she gets it.  Who the hell knows about River...  This is boring and more in tune with a monster-of-the-week type show than the grand spectacles we have seen in previous series where the characters grow from week to week.  Martha went from doctor to field agent.  Donna, one of the greatest companions, went from secretary to the most important person in the universe "Doctor/Donna," changed profoundly from what she was in a single season.  Even Rose, arguably the weakest of the companions, had her eyes opened from an innocent shop girl with a family to a kinda badass that hopped dimensions.  And all of these had great send-offs that made us want to see what happened next in their lives.

This is odd coming from Moffet, who gave us some of the more memorable multi-part episodes of the Davies run.  The threads they do use, apart from the Centurion/Pandorica, fall flat, are predicatable and have poor endings.  I do not feel triumphant when the 11th Doctor wins, and that is a sad thing to have happen to a great character.  

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Book Review

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Book 1)
by J.K. Rowling
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

“Yer a wizard, Harry.” Full stop, there you go, that sums up this, the first year at Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I want to be fair here and say this is my second time reading the first of Harry Potter’s adventures and am as biased as the rest of fandom about this series, while maybe not so rabid.

J.K. Rowling is not so much a great writer as she is a world builder. A minor deity weaving a magical land that not only do you want to believe is real, you genuinely hope that it is real. The small and grand touches of magic that she spices the stories with help to immerse the reader with the best effect made in the first installment of the series. The slow introduction of both Harry and the reader to the world of magic is well told, each chapter building on the rest. If it were my choice, Rowling would continually set stories in this world that she has created and shun all others that may be brewing in her mind.

Other stories in this world would and could be fascinating from different points of view, as Rowling shows in the series by giving excellent side characters to play around the main character. These side characters, such as Nearly Headless Nick or the nurse Madam Pomfrey, often caused the main characters and the reader to talk about them in whispers lest they hear. As for the main cast, in this first book I can give them a pass as blank slates that build desires and wants as they move through the story and let them live as the child reader avatars that they are.

The writing of this story has some hits and misses. After it was pointed out to me the number of times Rowling likes to use adverbs when her characters speak, I could not help but notice them everywhere (he types pointedly). Overall, though, the descriptions are clean, the dialog is fun, and the writing level exceeds those meant for this age group.

This book has been banned on numerous occasions for its liberal use of magic and sorcery by children. The concern is that children will read the book and attempt to find a train station that does not exist that will take them to a school they cannot go to with supplies they cannot buy and learn witchcraft from people that are different from them. There may also be some complaints out there from those that can get past the magic thing that the books encourages challenging authority in children as well as wandering in the woods hoping to meet a unicorn or centaur.

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Ready Player One Review

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Wade Watts lives in a not too distant future where just about everyone lives in a craptastic hellhole of depression with only one bright spot: the online MMO world OASIS. Five years after the creator of the game died, everyone on the planet is still looking for the easter eggs planted inside OASIS that will lead to a ton of money. When Wade becomes the first to find the first key, the hunt is on in a virtual world steeped in everything 80’s pop culture has to offer.

This book came around with little fanfare in my library and I find that a crime. Few people talked about it or promoted it despite the fact that it was on the New York Times Bestsellers List for weeks. At the time, I guess my nerd radar was off because I never picked it up until now. So when Ernest Cline, the screenwriter of the funny yet flawed Fanboys, showed up a couple of weeks ago for his second appearance of the NSFW Show podcast, I instantly put this on my to-read list. Add to the fact the contest that is going on based on the book to win a DeLorean and my nerd antenna was tuned in.

The only developed characters in the book are Wade Watts and his fellow “gunters” (egg hunters) Aech and Art3mis. Wade is our narrator, set up to be a brilliant and resourceful kid despite his poverty and social awkwardness. We follow him as he becomes more powerful and famous throughout OASIS and how this changes his relationships and his mental attitude. He is a fun character, but his hero journey has little in way of growth. Wade is a good guy and despite a few moments of grief or pain he pretty much stays a good guy.

Aech, Wade’s best friend, and Art3mis, Wade’s love interest, also get little in the way of growth as characters. The only growth they are given are in the way of information discovery as Wade finds out more about their real lives behind their OASIS avatars. I can blame most of the lack of character conflict in this novel on the avatar structure which sets up pretty good social commentary on how people hide behind anonymity online but little else. Also, some parts of the novel are rushed with almost montage-like scenes (which may fit the 80s themes) where we are told “the characters really like each other because of x, y, and z activities and likes they share.” Not a bad thing to do in an a book heavy on its action and adventure aspects, but I would have liked some quiet character moments.

Final Opinion
I burned through this book in one night and two lunch hours. As a treasure hunt type of novel, when the action revs up, you find yourself turning the pages faster and faster to see what happens next, then going back to see what pop culture references you missed. And that is what makes half this book fun, the references. If you were a child of the 80s that had movies, TV and video games as your primary child rearing devices, this book should hit every chord in your brain bringing back memories on nearly every page. If you don’t know a lot about that kind of stuff... well, the story is enjoyable, just get ready to skip a lot of sections describing in detail various video game scenarios and tricks. A solid book that leans heavily on nostalgia, but still makes you wonder what is going to happen next.

Why Was It Banned?
As far as I can tell, this book has not been banned or challenged in the year it has been published. However, like the video games it references, expect to see this one crop up from time to time with allegations of crude language or adult themes. And it does, just like the movies in the 80s did that showed kids screaming and kicking Wolfman in the nards (10 points if you get that). You may be tempted to slip this into that really cool 11-year-old’s hands like my cousin did with his used copies of Stephen King, but be warned that this book about people playing a video game contains murder, violence, language, and references to Zork that may frustrate even the coolest of modern kids and terrify the adults in charge of them.

Kitchen Confidential 1

I worked in kitchens while in college.  Did I become a master chef?  Hell no.  I can barely make pancakes.  But I can.  And I do.  Did this morning, as a matter of fact. Why am I telling you this?  I digressed.  I meant to explain that I completely understand both the intention, spirit, and language of this book, despite having an underdeveloped palate.  In my experience with kitchens, I tended to like the work and the people more than the actual food which is why I walked away from it.

How can I say I liked the work but not the food?  Easy.  Have you ever been driving around your hometown and become lost in thought and suddenly realized you are already at home?  That's what working in a kitchen was like for me.  A series of rather simple tasks that you repeat over and over that after a while become second nature.  That one day when you are standing over the grill and your hands begin to reach for things without you having to remember where they are, where you feel the heat and the burn but it does not bother you, that is a great day.  When you can drop a spatula and then lean down to get it "off the bottom shelf" without breaking stride preparing whatever mix of things you had on the grill and then there is this thing you prepared that will feed another human being.  Think about that.  Most of the food you eat that keeps you alive is being prepared by people so used to cooking that thing they did not have to think about it.  There is something very freeing for me about that certainty, that power.

But I hated smelling like a kitchen after each shift, especially the bleach we used to clean everything with, so I left and went into libraries.  Same amount of people drama, but less knives.  I miss the kitchen sometimes.  Nothing like it.

So, yes, I am enjoying this book.  His obvious love for everything food is on the surface awesome and I admire that passion as well as the rawness of the kitchen "life style."  Plus, I have had too many drunken memories of nights hanging out with cooks and waitresses to not also feel a little nostalgic when reading this.

The Giver Review

The Giver is one of those books that comes along and just slaps your little childhood in the head. As a young boy, the title sounded so innocuous. “The Giver.” Blah. Give me “The Space Ninja Who Kills Fools With a Laser Sword,” my younger self thought. Then, plowing through the pages in record time, I had my world blown open almost as much as the protagonist, Jonas, does. Now, some twenty years later, I am returning to this book and seeing what all the fuss young me made was all about.

Beware, thar be spoilers.

In the too distant future, Jonas lives in a collective with his family where his life is strictly managed. Everyone in the community over twelve has a job, a function, and on his next birthday Jonas will get his. But when his job turns out to be the Receiver of Memories, a once in a generation position, Jonas is about to learn what his place in the world really is. Cue dramatic lightning, cause they control the weather in this book but not enough for me to have just mentioned it except for the sake of a bad joke. Cracka-boom.

Our main character Jonas is an inquisitive, happy young boy. He stars the book innocent, almost bland except our omniscient narrator gives him thoughts that even without hearing the thoughts of others seem different. He is color in a book of black and white and that sentence means something to anyone who has seen the movie Pleasantville. His family, while playing the roles of caring mother, silly dad and bratty sister, are just as empty of life as the schedules the community keeps. With exception to the compassion they give the baby, Gabriel, the family seems to only respond to each other in accordance to the rules, not by any familial obligation. This is apparent to savvy readers right away while a younger audience will take this in as Jonas does in the book.

The only other stand out character is The Giver, Jonas’s mentor and the one who opens the boy’s eyes with knowledge of good and evil and compassion as that knowledge overtakes Jonas. This man is like a walking, talking tree from the garden of eden, which is an apt description and a nice reverse metaphor for the direction the book takes. As Jonas gets more information, he feels more apart, more naked from society. This culminates when he learns the community’s term “release” means “euthanize” (“killin folk” for those of you without a dictionary or vocabulary) and that this applies to everyone who has been “released,” including the old and noisy babies.

Two things, then I’ll wrap up.

The title. The title is interesting because there are actually two Givers in the book, the old man who gives to Jonas and Jonas who gives to Gabriel. One has to wonder who this story is about then, the small boy coming of age, waking up to the hell that all he knows and loves is gone, or the old man who is watching all this happen. He is the only other person that knows what Jonas is going through, yet Jonas is the only internal voice we hear. Something to think on.

The ending. I have heard the ending has been hotly debated as to what is happening. Me? I think both those kids are dead. Here’s where I am going to sound cold and detached, but I’m analyzing a story not cutting up a frog so give me some slack. Anyway, the ending scene is Jonas carrying Gabriel up a snow covered hill where he finds a sled and they slide down, just like the first memory The Giver gave to Jonas. Too big of a coinky-dink for me to overlook. The larger implications are also kinda staggering. Did The Giver mean for Jonas to die all along? I say yes. The old man was not naive enough to believe that the Elsewhere was a real place that could be escaped to except through release, death, whatever. Neither could he have expected Jonah, basically a privileged city boy, to survive in the wilds by himself. Also, the goal of this escape is to release the memories into the populous so the people can feel again. The only other time this happened, the Receiver gave up the memories when she died, implying that memories are either given person to person or in death they are given en masse. The old man played Jonas, especially in showing him release, into going out into the wilderness where he had no chance of survival. The ending scene, of Jonas and Gabriel sliding down a hill from one happy memory to another, is a death scene as Jonas’s body has already described textbook symptoms of hypothermia.

Of course, part of me wants to believe the old man did all this to take over the community and this is some sort of Wizard of Oz prequel. He outright states to Jonas he has to stay back to comfort the distraught people. What if he talked his first receiver into suicide as a test run and Jonas is the atom bomb to give the most memories out at once? Then he stays behind and is all “Don’t worry, wussies, I been through this, no biggie, just let me teach you how to deal.” Just because you love something does not mean you will not give it away for greater gain. Villains have been doing it throughout literature and history forever. That’s pretty freaking dark.

Why was it banned?
There are several reasons as to why this work has been banned. For one, it kills a baby and implies the systematic extermination of anyone who steps out of line. That’s, as I said before, pretty freaking dark. Also, there are fairly graphic depictions of war and death in various other forms in the memories Jonas receives, not to mention the deep sadness that Jonas feels towards them.

For another, the book can establish mistrust and rebellious attitudes toward authority figures. Let’s face it, this book does not treat the government in a good light and paints parents as subjective pack animals. Some parents may object to their children reading this book and suddenly viewing their jobs and place in society as worthless, not to mention religious and other overlording collectives in society.

Finally, this book could be seen to some distraught children as a go ahead for suicide. The actions of various characters that learn the truth could be internalized by a mind that is filled with grief and delusion. The book outright states that those that cannot fit in are either taken out or take themselves out and gives little counterargument. The overall theme is hope in humanity, in love, but it gives little reward for these ideals. Even the happy ending is a bit of a fridge horror scenario when one thinks about it too much, as I demonstrated above.

Final thoughts
It’s good. Sometimes the writing is a little dull and the lessons are kicked into your head, but this is an effective dystopian narrative that ends up asking more questions than it raises. What do you do when your world falls apart? Is this what growing up feels like? What is the nature of man? All valid and worth asking.

TVTropes: Muse Abuse

Welcome to the end of the Internet, the last place you will look for hours.  A dark hole for anyone who loves tales, deconstructing stories and those who make them.  The website is tvtropes.org.  Click that link if you dare.

I tend to troll around TVTropes often, generally after I have finished a work, be it a novel, TV show or movie to see how others have already broken the work down into all the little story pieces.  Sometimes I find things they miss, but I rarely add.  I am not chronicler of tropes, I enjoy them for the sake of them as a whole.

After I finished my review of American Gods, I jumped to the TVTropes page of that work.  This lead me to the page on the author, Neil Gaiman.  You can see how easy this website can be abused for someone who enjoys it so.  Finally, I ended up on another topic: Muse Abuse.  

I am going to finish with a small discussion on Muse Abuse.  A small definition is when an author writes his or her true life to a degree that it hurts the inspiration.  This can be from a small scale (an argument with your wife becomes a conversation in the middle of a book) or a large scale (the death of a loved one leads to an entire work devoted on them, warts and all). This has happened to me in my life.  At times I have reveled in it, goading friends to guess which parts are true.  Sometimes the truth is does not paint my experiences in a great light.

For example, I once wrote a fractured story about a guy reading at home who gets a call from a friend saying the friend needs help.  He finds the friend but is surprised to learn that no call has been made.  They begin drinking, becoming very drunk.  After an adventure or two broken by periods of blackouts, our heroes end up in a diner where the friend jokingly calls the guy and tells him he needs help.  The main character runs from the diner and in a drunken dream makes it home, where he is reading and gets a phone call.

It was not very good, a mobius tale that was contrived and a little boring.  But it was based on my friends and a drunken moment late at night in a diner where one called the other's answering machine screaming for help.  The intention was the drunk would wake up and hear the message, not remember the joke and think something devastating had happened.  Haha.

So I took the small event and ran with it.  When I showed it to my friends, they seemed to like it but all of them had nearly the same comment: We seem like drunks in this.  

Yeah, I said, we are.  

But, they would say, what would my mom think?

I guess that is the problem with stealing from your own life sometimes.  You air dirty laundry and disappoint a lot of mothers.

American Gods Review

American Gods by Neil Gaiman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

American Gods by Neil Gaiman

American Gods is a love letter to old mythology and America as a land and people. Told with Gaiman’s unblinking eye, the story follows Shadow from prison to the wilds of Georgia, crisscrossing the country in an apologetic view of how old myths can survive in the modern world. This review is based on the 10th Anniversary Author’s Preferred Text.

Be warned, thar may be spoilers.

Summary
Shadow gets out of prison to find the love of his life dead and a job offer. Taking up with Mr. Wednesday, he meets a menagerie of oddball folks who wish to either smash his brains in or smash his groin in while recruiting for a war Shadow knows nothing about. Side trips to a small, frozen town and eclectic San Francisco are just a small taste of the amount of locations Shadow and Wednesday pass through on their recruiting effort. Behind them are a shadowy government-type agency and a dead woman. It’s a hoot.

Our protagonist Shadow is a mess of a person. We get little of his backstory, even his name is secret. At first, I found him unbelievable. He accepts this new world a little too well, going along with all the weird dreams and god talk as if, hey, that stuff happens, right? But then I looked back on how he was introduced to us. Gaiman breaks this character from the start like a prison bitch, blank slates the man with horrific news of his wife’s death and then the worst funeral one could imagine. Also, looking back, there is some fridge logic in how Shadow’s heritage might give him a more aptitude for the weird.

As for the secondary characters, all of them are a little shallow but entertaining. This book sets them up as a horror movie would set up a group of teenagers, all worse than the last, waiting until the big bad comes along to stuff them into sleeping bags and beat them against trees. I admit that is unfair because I did say they were entertaining. I enjoyed seeing how Gaiman constructed each ancient deity and placed them in modern day but wished we could have stuck with a core group rather than the pantheon presented.

The plot and setting of this book go hand in hand. It’s right there on the cover, a dark road with lightning crashing down on a solitary figure. This book is about America, the American Dream, hopes, ideals, identity, et cetera and so forth. And in that vein it is scattered and different. Sections of the book are rich with characters and people bouncing off each other while other sections are lonely, desolate places I wished Shadow would simply run from. My personal favorite were the quiet moments with a couple of folk just sharing time and a beer. I think that if you have traveled this land enough, spent time on the back roads and cities of America, you will also find your favorite part of the book corresponds with your favorite places in this country.

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American Gods 2

""...when I was still of an age where a book could change me forever." -Gaiman in Acknowledgements for American Gods"  

I love that quote.  Gaiman is talking about Harlan Ellison's Deathbird Stories in here and the impact it left on him "burned... onto the back of [Gaiman's] head."  It's sad that books, movies and other items can't have that effect on me anymore but is to be expected.  Sure, every once in a while something will come along and surprise and delight me.  Without that feeling I might as well just stop consuming all together.  But... but it is not like it was when I once put down a book or left the theater and thought, "Shit, what the hell was that?" in an excited way.  Too much deconstruction, symbol hunting and simple over thinking have generally left me with "I liked what they did with that, that was new" when I walk out of something I like.

Maybe that is why I drift toward comedy.  There's still a surprise element in comedy.  A life and breath.  Passion for the absurd or the simple turn of phrase.  And it's fun to laugh.  There's always that.

So I finished American Gods, Mr. Gaiman has guided Shadow through trials and tribulations, through life and death and all around the gods.  I will have a full review up soon, but I want to take the time right here to thank the author personally.  This has been a difficult week and his book has provided both inspiration and distraction.  No one should ask more of fiction than that.

I recommend if you are going to purchase a copy of American Gods, get the author's preferred copy with a nice interview, essay and extra bits. 

American Gods 1

Today I met a man named Shadow who in turn met a man named Mr. Wednesday.  Shadow lost something dear to him, his life, after leaving prison after a 3 year stint.  Now embarking on a new career, Shadow is following Mr. Wednesday in the driver’s seat.  He has met the dead, played checkers, and robbed a bank.  I wonder what he will get up to next.

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This book and by extension series left me wanting more yet fulfilled at the same time. So begins my review of the most hard to read book I have enjoyed in a long time.

Beware, thar be spoilers in the following, you have been warned.

The basic plot is a direct continuation of Catching Fire. Katniss has been liberated from the Quarter Quell and is smack in the middle of the head of the rebellion, District 13. In the militaristic environment, she struggles for independence and individuality while attempting to assimilate so she can survive. The plot is the same as the other two: Katniss stumbles around a new environment, is hungry, fights with someone about something, excels at whatever she needs to, then goes into battle and triumphs in a backhanded way. There, I did that without really spoiling anything.

All our favorite characters are back, with the point of view squarely in Katniss’s eye. She hems and haws through most of the story, looking for her place in the world that has been thrust upon her, blah blah blah. Looking at the mechanics as a whole, nothing has really changed about the structure of the story which makes the characters that much more important. And, I have to say it, I’m kinda done with Katniss. Most of the way through this book, I was bored with her. She’s a reactionary character for the majority of the time, having greatness thrust upon her over and over. I was much more interested in the side characters as more was revealed about them, but the novel only gave information as Katniss received it so we got very little and then her projections of that information. This made the reading really frustrating as you were thrust into her mindset so much that I did not feel empathy as much as I wanted to control her as a puppet. Go over there! Talk to that guy! This makes it kinda jarring when she does act, throwing off the dynamic of how much we are actually told about her state of mind versus what she plans to do next. I do not think I have ever had that in a book, a character where I know their thoughts except when he or she is actually thinking.

So this book is at its heart about Katniss’s struggle within the rebellion and her place in it. Is she a figurehead or a leader? A soldier or a vengeful being? In the end, none of this is really answered. Yet, it is. She’s just Katniss. I can get behind that, except that there is no application of that beyond what I stated above: she reacts when we know what she’s thinking and we get jack when she decides on a course of action. Also, key points in her story are placed off screen, fueling the reaction. The rescue of Peeta and the rebels winning the war all happen when she is unconscious. This is bullshit. Realistic, but bullshit. I equate this with Leia getting knocked out and coming to with some random we just met telling her Luke saved the galaxy. As a reader, this is frustrating as hell, yet I do admire Collins’s commitment to follow Katniss’s story, no matter how boring it may be.

At the end of the day, this trilogy I would put on par with The Lovely Bones. A great series that tells an epic journey in a realistic way that defies expectation to a fault. Sometimes realism is great, but I felt fairly disappointed through much of the novel. That being said, I thought it had one of the most touching and perfect endings to a character’s story I have read. I would not have been surprised if Frodo had shown up at the end to take her to the Grey Lands.

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Z is for Zenz, Aaron "The Hiccupotamus"

The Hiccupotamus by Aaron Zenz
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Summary
A hippopotamus gets the hiccups and his "friends" decided to help him out.

I can only start this review with one question: If a hippopotamus got hiccups, who would give more than two shits? After much research (AKA, repeated viewings of the movie Congo) I have found that hippopotami are complete and total assholes. The first half of this book proves this point as the hippopotamus (from the latin "monster douche"), runs from friend to friend disturbing their lifestyles to the point that they must solve the problem or perish.

The elephant, centipede, and rhinoceros (yeah, you just read that right) all start attempting various cures from scaring and wrapping him with licorice and spinning him around. Cause that happens in a jungle. At one point, it seems they also secure the talents of a damn American buffalo, tie the hippo to him, then I guess they just jump around. There’s also a bit with vinegar that I do not understand.

I am going to let you folks into a little secret: This month might as well have broken me like a dry twig on a cold winter night. Children’s books sounded so fun. What could be more fun and easy than reviewing motherpunking picture books? Yeah, if I had only known. I feel like the next time I am forced to do a story time I am going to start yelling at the children how their culture is disintegrating. This book had a buffalo with a hippo tied to his back. Those creatures do not even exist together in god’s creation outside of mankind’s animal jails that are zoos. I am going to drop some truth bombs on these little sons of bitches and they will not see it coming. This month is going to make children cry. I hope you are happy, A to Z challenge. Bless.

Oh, and the art’s pretty fun to look at.

Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

Y is for Young, Ed “Lon Po Po”

Lon Po Po by Ed Young
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Summary
Three children are left alone at night so they murder a talking wolf.

I can only surmise that the setting of this book is supposed to be Narnia due to the talking animal. This takes me right out of the story as I do not believe in talking animals or locations where they exist. I find the entire notion ridiculous.

The characters are shallow adaptations of classic fairy tales, in this case an amalgamation of Red Riding Hood. We are told much about each character, only to then have that trait shown. The best example of this is when the “clever” oldest child murders the talking wolf by tricking him.

This story is supposed to be a tale about not trusting strangers, but it comes off as a horrible murder tale. At no point are we given evidence that the wolf wishes the children any harm. Sure, he notices how plump and sweet they are, but so does my grandma and I doubt she’s gonna kill me any time soon. No doubt cause I can take her, but I digress. In fact, when the wolf is invited in the house, he hangs out with them, crawls in bed with them, even talks to them. This poor lonely bastard was just looking for warmth and immortality and these crazy children killed him for it.

So what do we learn from this book? Don’t go asking for help when kids parents are away. The children will go all Home Alone and kill you.

I will give this book high marks for the watercolor art design. Each page floats by in a dream state of color and emotion. The picture of the wolf in the sheet outside the house is just unsettling. The images are beautiful renditions of classic Chinese art, too bad the words got in the way.

Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

X is for X-Men

So... um... awkward... I could not find a children’s book with “X” in the title to review so I’m just going to use this post to push our sister blog, Penultimate Issues, on you. It’s run by a great friend of mine and wonderful reviewer of all things comics. You should go there right now and read it!

 Below is everything I can remember right now about the X-Men!


Characters
Wolverine
Angel
Cyclopes

Gambler
Blue Fur Guy
Icicle Boy
Demon Guy
Steel Dude
Hot Chick
Spandex Lady
Mrs. Boobs
Metal Control Man
Fireman
Steve

Story
The story revolves around a bunch of X-Men and their fight to not be oppressed and stuff. They are really good at doing this because they have magical powers. Sometimes they have to fight people with other magical powers and there’s always some problem with time travel. Think Days of Our Lives meets Terminator.

I’m just kidding. You should read the X-Men comics, especially anything written by Chris Claremont. And check out Penultimate Issues (www.pissues.com)! Marc’s doing a great job over there and deserves respect!

Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

W is for Ward, Helen “The Dragon Machine”

The Dragon Machine by Helen Ward
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Summary
George is a little boy who is lonely until he starts seeing dragons everywhere. When the dragons become a problem, he builds a machine to take them home to the wilderness.

The art is okay, but the story and characters make up for it only because they bring to mind a story. I want to tell you that story.

Once there was a little boy named Evan. Evan had a very active imagination. He made up little men, kinda the size of the Brownies (picture here played by Kevin Pollack and Rick Overton) from the movie Willow. These Brownies had no names, but they acted out every movie that Evan saw, every book Evan read. The Brownies drove time machines, rode horses, fought Dracula, and solved mysteries. Over time, the Brownies moved out of these pre-formed plotlines and acted on their own. Evan wrote down what they did, laughed at their jokes and was upset when one of them was hurt or died (as the plot required).

The problem came when the Brownies started to show up when Evan did not think about them. This was most horrible when it happened at church, because Evan would not pay attention to the preacher and would get into trouble. He could not explain to his parents about the Brownies because that was silly. As Evan grew up he made a decision and abandoned the Brownies. They would attempt to crawl back in his mind at church, but he would not write down their stories or even pay attention to what they did. The preacher and his stories about God were the only stories that mattered. The Brownies were a distraction and the devil sent distractions, the preacher said. Evan devoted his mind to the church and the baptismal waters washed away the Brownies for good.

A while later, Evan got in an accident. Nothing serious, but he started questioning. Why did God let that happen? Why did God let anything bad happen, particularly in His name? The Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, slavery: all done in one god’s name or another. Evan started to think that maybe God was just as made up as all his little Brownie friends. If that was true, maybe his little Brownies were not so bad after all. So he called them back.

But the Brownies would not come back. Evan had pushed them away, far back in his mind and they would not tell him wonderful stories anymore. Evan tried and tried, reading more and watching more and looking for the types of stories his Brownie friends had made for him, but he could not find them inside or out. Then Evan just started writing and writing, hoping to make what he had lost. He has found some peace in the writing, but everyday he reads and watches and writes, always looking for his little Brownie friends to tell him one last great story.

Thanks.

Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.