Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 3: Everybody's Gram Poops #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 3 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, Beebop, Rocksteady and Cordelia had come up with a brilliant plan to kidnap their archenemy, Mr. Snape. Will El Guapo, the most hansomest kid in class, feel like joining in?

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
We cut to El Guapo, busy making himself a sandwich. He takes the time to talk to his grandmother and learns that she watched game shows and his mom did not leave the old lady lunch. As he goes to fix her jello, we can all reflect on what we can learn from the old and elderly abuse.

Or we could reflect on how women always leave you which is what El Guapo does as he thinks about his single parent mom. Then we learn the grandmother is the dead beat dad's mom, and our opinion of her improves. We listen in to more of El Guapo's thoughts as he does the dishes:

"My dad was as hansome as me. My mom must have liked him, being so handsome and all. I don't want to help my dirty, lying Gram to the bathroom..."

While waiting for Gram to evacuate her ancient blatter, he goes to the phone and thinks of all the fun he could be having if he were not such as maxi dweeb that comes home right after school and hangs with his grandmother instead of having friends. He also thinks about how his mother is a spinster and how he will go to college someday as long as he makes good grades. I think he also decides to sing a few bars of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Then El Guapo goes to the dark place. The place he rarely allows his mind to travel. English Class. Snape is mean.

A great author once said that when he was stuck on a scene, he just had a guy with a gun show up at the door. Rocksteady shows up. El Guapo walks him to the Beebop's car where Beebop and Cordelia are waiting. Rocksteady gives El Guapo the basics of the kidnap plan and El Guapo says he is for it and he will meet them later at the library after he gets his Gram from the bathroom.

*Observations*
1.  I wish I was kidding about the bathroom thing.
2.  He has a CD player and his friends have cellphones... For some reason I was imagining this book happening in the late 70s and everybody as the cast of Carrie, but that's probably just a product of my 80s built imagination.
3. I was kidding about the singing.

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_Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment._

Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 2: Kidnapping Snape #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reads for Chapter Two of Killing Mr. Griffin, a talking head scene that gives us some insight into our characters and serves as the launching point for what can only be a bunch of horrible mistakes and wacky misadventures.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
When we last left off, everybody was at school and Mr. Snape was mean... Now they are not at school and everybody is mad...

Beebop is hanging at the malt shop with Rocksteady and Cordelia. The three are discussing how unfair their horrible teacher Mr. Snape is when Rocksteady hatches a plan. He leads the others outside and tells them they should kidnap Mr. Snape.

The two of them think this is a grand idea because apparently this happens a lot in their town. The three agree they need a decoy and an alibi guy, nominating El Guapo and Duckling respectively. El Guapo will do it because he's a cool dude with all the right movies. Duckling will do it because Snape's all ways bringing her down and El Guapo is dreamy.

We are treated to a flashback of when Beebop met Rocksteady. Rocksteady had just moved to town and chose Beebop as his new bestie. Then he invited Beebop to meet up with him after school for something to do with a cat. I'm gonna assume kitty costume contest.

Back in the present, everyone is jazzed that nothing can go wrong with the simple high school prank of kidnapping the most hated teacher in school.

Oh, and it was not a kitty costume contest. Rocksteady set a cat on fire.

Observations
1. Very convienent the kids just now start talking about killing the horrible teacher. I don't want to get morbid, but you really don't have to put this kind of foreshadowing in a book where the title announces what could happen. Duncan (the author) could have the kids already planning his murder, like teenagers are want to do.
2. More show don't tell that seems to be common in YA fiction. The previous chapter already showed some signs the teacher is a jerk, why not show the scene where he makes a kid beg for another chance instead of having the kids say what already happened?
3. So here we have the psychopath, the mook and the doll all ready to pull off a job. How the hell am I supposed to think these people are in high school?

_Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment._


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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 1: Meet the Duckling #evanreviews

Meet Duckling, the sad girl with a heart of gold. Will we find out how this zero becomes a hero or learn the true story of Weekend at Bernies?  Find out in the first chapter of Killing Mr. Griffin.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Susan Lee Duckling walks across a windy parking lot, blocking the glasses that hide her inner beauty so they don't get scratched.  Then we get a flashback to breakfast where Duckling tells her parents and family that she's gonna get out of this town, see, and make something of herself, that's the ticket.  They make fun of her.  

Back to the parking lot, David El Guapo looses his important assignment and is unable to catch the papers.  The two of them talk about dum dum dum Mr. Griffin as they walk indoors and run into Beebop and Rocksteady.  El Guapo goes off with his minions as Duckling lements her impression on El Guapo because that's what lonely girls do.

Every body arrives in class and takes their seats.  Everyone has friends to talk to but poor Duckling.  Duckling takes the time to judge everyone around her, especially Cordelia the Popular.  In walks dum dum dum Mr. Griffin and class begins.

Beebop, El Guapo and Cordelia all give reasons as to why they do not have the homework assignment.  scary noise Mr. Griffin gives reasons as to why he does not give a shit.  Duckling reads over her poem, an interesting bit of verse, before handing it in.  Beebop freaks out because meany pants teacher is being unfair about failing the kids that did not do their work.  Rocksteady attempts to calm Beebop, but he's all mad and not gonna take it.  dum dum dum Bad Teacher lets it slip that he failed Rocksteady, then pops a pill and tells them to open their books.

Duckling watches the windy parking lot as a bird smashes into the window and dies.  Beebop quietly says he would like to kill Prof. Crabbybritches.

Observations
1.  I know kids are dumb, but why in the world would you carry an important paper around in loose leaf on a very windy day?
2.  Is no one allowed to leave this town?  Or dream about leaving the town?  When I was in high school and said I wanted to move out, my parents were like "Where to and how soon?"  On second thought that may say more about me than Duckling.
3.  The class assignment was to write Ophelia's last words before she commits suicide.  That's not hard, just write "my boyfriends crazy and he killed my dad" and then figure out the onomoniopiea for the sound of your finger wiggling in front of your mouth.
4.  Am I to get it right that in small town whereever there are schools that place academics above athletics.  With all the wind outside, I would not be surprised if this was Oz High and Oompa Loompas were the cafeteria workers.



Thank you, this has been today's Evan Reviews. Feel free to comment.


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100 Books: Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

*BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS*

Children are being grabbed across London and the only one that can stop the kidnapping is a little girl and her shape-shifting, talking daemon. With a talking bear and a tribe of Gyptians as companions, Lyra races across the landscape to confront the evil Mrs. Coulter and her Gobblers as well as rescue her father from the other talking bears.  There's a golden compass somewhere in there too, but don't worry about it cause none of the characters do either.


The setting of our story is other dimension London/Frozen North. The Church rules everything with an iron fist, allowing for plausible deniability with every turn. Steampunk rules the landscape, with everything running off of gas or candle power. Oh, did I mention everyone wears their soul on the outside in the form of a random animal and their are talking bears? This is a little jarring as the semi-modern location and steampunk feel of the atmosphere do not lend to a fantasy... yet talking animals abound. Yeah, let’s meet the people.

First up is Lyra, the main character. As a precocious little girl raised by Scholars (think monks), Lyra is a bit of a wild child prone to mouthing off and getting into trouble. And that’s what she does most of the time when she is not sleeping.

Then we have our main villains, Mrs. Coulter and the Gobblers. In charge of snatching children from the streets, these people are nice and calm on the outside but are capable of a cold and merciless type of violence that makes for terrifying fridge logic thoughts (the ones that occur after you are done reading/viewing and come to you as you are getting a snack from the fridge).

Armored bears are also in this book, but think of them as as dwarves mashed with Klingons, a proud warrior race that is good with metal and really cares about honor.

The characters as a whole are more defined than I give them credit for, but for the most part are lazy. The story is driven almost exclusively by the actions of the villains with (with the exception of one or two scenes) our heroes being reactive. I cannot count how many times I wondered if Lyra falling asleep was a catalyst for change in this story. If she were Sleeping Beauty these folks might have build a space shuttle by the time she woke up.

The central theme in this story seems to be about innocence and experience. Lyra, our innocent child, is introduced to several very horrifying truths throughout the tale, including being betrayed by those she should trust the most and getting help by those set up as villains early on. These lessons are well thought out and acted, albeit in a very dry and talkative manner.

The author does seem to have several reasons to write this story, but none of the themes I came away with are important enough to continue the series. The most prominent seems to be to create a world that shows the evils of religion and power as well as how bad it is to go against one’s nature. I half expected the villain to be the Pope with a giant bat as his daemon.

As a novel, the writing is not impressive. The descriptions and language are well used, but there are many flaws in the narrative. Much of the story is filler with either one character relating previous events or Lyra reflecting on what has happened to her. The action, with two great exceptions, is poor at best giving us either a “too close” perspective like that of the Matt Damon Bourne movies or happens just off screen with yet another character telling the reader what happened.

Why was it banned?
The book was banned mainly for religious reasons. The author, a devout atheist (can you be devout... whatever), threw in a lot of re-imaginings of biblical texts to fit in with his world. I would have loved to have heard his view on Noah, what with two of everything and then the people and their daemon’s drowning outside the boat. He also does not paint the Church (religion as a whole, but mostly Christian) in a good light as it appears being excommunicated is paramount to being shot into the sun. This backwards view of society via the books steampunkian way-back machine could easily be seen as an attack on religion and a “poisoning of young minds” with horrible thoughts of independent thinking and the horrors of power going amok. And if ideas alone were not enough to get the book banned, there is some pretty graphic violence, including a scene where one character gets half his face ripped off by another and a scene where Lyra gets attacked that left me more than disturbed.

My final opinion on the book is shaky at best. I had more to complain about than praise and felt that reading this book was more of a chore than a pleasure. There are friends I would recommend this to, but none that I would like to talk about it with. I doubt I will ever finish this series, or even continue it, even though there is a cliffhanger at the end. I would recommend this to kids and adults who liked Harry Potter but thought those books had too many interesting things in it.

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