Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: Book Review

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Book 1)
by J.K. Rowling
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

“Yer a wizard, Harry.” Full stop, there you go, that sums up this, the first year at Hogwart’s School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I want to be fair here and say this is my second time reading the first of Harry Potter’s adventures and am as biased as the rest of fandom about this series, while maybe not so rabid.

J.K. Rowling is not so much a great writer as she is a world builder. A minor deity weaving a magical land that not only do you want to believe is real, you genuinely hope that it is real. The small and grand touches of magic that she spices the stories with help to immerse the reader with the best effect made in the first installment of the series. The slow introduction of both Harry and the reader to the world of magic is well told, each chapter building on the rest. If it were my choice, Rowling would continually set stories in this world that she has created and shun all others that may be brewing in her mind.

Other stories in this world would and could be fascinating from different points of view, as Rowling shows in the series by giving excellent side characters to play around the main character. These side characters, such as Nearly Headless Nick or the nurse Madam Pomfrey, often caused the main characters and the reader to talk about them in whispers lest they hear. As for the main cast, in this first book I can give them a pass as blank slates that build desires and wants as they move through the story and let them live as the child reader avatars that they are.

The writing of this story has some hits and misses. After it was pointed out to me the number of times Rowling likes to use adverbs when her characters speak, I could not help but notice them everywhere (he types pointedly). Overall, though, the descriptions are clean, the dialog is fun, and the writing level exceeds those meant for this age group.

This book has been banned on numerous occasions for its liberal use of magic and sorcery by children. The concern is that children will read the book and attempt to find a train station that does not exist that will take them to a school they cannot go to with supplies they cannot buy and learn witchcraft from people that are different from them. There may also be some complaints out there from those that can get past the magic thing that the books encourages challenging authority in children as well as wandering in the woods hoping to meet a unicorn or centaur.

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A is for Allard: 100 Books, The Stupids Have a Ball #atozchallenge

The Stupids Have a Ball by Harry G. Allard
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Stupids Have a Ball by Harry Allard and James Marshall, as reinterpreted by Betty Lou from Circulation

Beware, Thar be... you know what? Forget it. Onward!

The book begins with a scathing indictment of the national education system as well as parenting as both children seem to be doing poorly yet their lack of effort is praised. They are even rewarded for their ineptitude with a costume ball, the preparation and execution therein complete the narrative.

The authors make a point to show how the tactics of the rich and moronic upper class force the lower class, in this case a cat and dog, prepare balloons, punch and invitations. The upper class, i.e. “Parents”, only include themselves in the final activity and have difficulty doing even that, mocking the upper class’s inablility to do even simple tasks.

As we near the party, we are exposed to even more extremes the rich and idle go through to waste their moneys. Costumes such as “George Washing Machine,” a bastardization of our nation's noble leader, show the depths to which the upper class reach to shame our great nation. Other costumes are clearly metaphors for how the rich and poor should interact, including Ma as “spaghetti” being all wrapped up in herself and the dog as “The Bone Ranger,” a call for the unwashed masses to take back what they can through vigilante means if they must to reach a state of justice.

As the guests arrive, you can see the extent the authors feel they need to go to chastise the rich and powerful. One guest arrives on a duck, which we all know as the Celtic symbol for transition, signifying a change in status quo is approaching.

A sad moment comes halfway through the book as Grandfather Stupid arrives down a chimney dressed as the Easter Bunny. Oh, this painful scene forces the reader to confront the idea that not only will we age and die, but we will collapse into the gaping maw of Alzheimer’s if our nation’s healthcare does not improve.
The final scene comes as a crushing blow not only to the reader but to society as a whole when we learn that, despite everyone wearing costumes, none but the Stupids themselves were aware this was a costume ball. By forcing us to look back into ourselves, this revelation begs the question, “Are we all at a costume ball where no one wore a costume?” Think on that, dear reader.

I can only recommend The Stupids Have a Ball to the most studied among us. True, juveniles may find the embellishments humorous, but true scholars will find so much more beneath the surface.

Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

Check out my 100 Book Challenge under the Book Reviews tab.

100 Books: Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan

Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The story is centered around five teenagers who plot to kidnap but accidentally kill their English teacher, Mr. Griffin. No real spoiler, it’s the title. The kids attempt to cover their crime throughout the novel, suffering mental and spiritual breakdowns as each of them shows a bit of character.


The actual location of this novel is forgettable at best, helping to boost the tone that this could happen anywhere yet touches of location keep the reader wondering where this is taking place, much like an internet story without a dateline. To keep the novel current, the edition under review has been revised to include such items as cell phones, the Internet and other technology that were not present in 1978. The update damages the novel, almost forcing the questions of “why don’t they just look it up/call their cell?” that would have been evident yet forgiven to modern audiences. Modern audiences are aware, subconsciously or not, that modern conveniences update at a rapid pace and do not expect them in literature/film. This would be like giving the Lone Ranger a car, yet having Tonto still ride a horse. The inclusion is inconsistent and painful to read.

One can forgive the characters their technological follies as they are both bland and compelling, a contradiction that one can blame more on the author than the characters. We are told more about them than we actually see, making this novel a dated edition of the teen genre rather than the more nuanced characters that we see in modern teen fiction (prices and participation may vary). Example: the main villain is said to be a master manipulator, yet the only time we see him really manipulate someone he seems less reasonable and more demanding, an effect of peer pressure rather than his own charisma. The characters are reacting to him from their own past experiences, not from what the reader has seen. If this character was selling drugs, kids from the 80s would be yelling “Just Say No” at him and running away.

The rest of the cast reads the same way, walking through situations much in the same way a character in an after school special soap opera would. To their credit, they all have motives that shift and grow as the novel moves, but have no room to breathe within the narrative. The best I can say is the characters feel real in the way reality television feels real, bland people forced into a narrative that could be compelling if the editor finds just the right moments.

The story structure follows the same frustrating pacing as the characters. Skipping around from person to person, we find the characters forced to react to coincidence and circumstance. Our characters do something, something happens between chapters, our characters react. At times, we get the jarring narrative of someone on the periphery, like the character’s parents, that seems almost filler yet is included to provide character information that should be given by the character’s actions. Running rampant throughout the narrative are large chunks of exposition to scenes that the reader has just read. I almost want to believe this novel was serialized month to month in “Seventeen” magazine by the constant need to update the reader. I think this may be a trend in teen fiction to keep the younger reader present in the narrative, but other writers seem to hide this practice better than this book does.

Overall, this book is more of a character study than a narrative. What would Average Joe Teenager Kid do if he accidentally killed somebody? If this book had been written today, the pitch for it would be “What if the Breakfast Club killed Principal Vernon?” The same type of stereotypes exist (athlete, brain, basket case, princess, criminal) yet are made more real through their reactions to each incident that arises. The problem with the book comes when the reader is told that action rather than having the characters, I dunno, act it out.

Why was it banned?
The main characters kill their teacher. Sure, they do not mean to, but even thinking about kidnapping your teacher is frowned upon in today’s school climate. The usual argument of fighting authority could be applied, as kidnapping/killing your teacher is a rather anti-schoolin message. The kids also drink beer and do drugs, so the PG rating is well earned in that regard.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 19: The Truth is Boring #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 19 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

So things got a little hot in that last chapter, huh? Duckling was smoking! And who was that unmasked woman? Onward!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling's mom barges into her room, announcing that the Snape baby was birthed. Duckling does not respond, so the mother prods her, wondering if Duckling and the reader want to know why Lady Preggo Snape (now just Lady Snape plus Baby Snape) and Det. Gordon saved her from the fire. We get all the information from the previous chapter about kidnapping and investigation, all to the tune of Duckling's indifference. Then we get the bombshell that all the adults are blaming the creepy Rocksteady kid and not our wonderful Duckling! Well, mostly.

The mother then goes into an explanation about Rocksteady's psycology that rivals the last ten minutes of Psycho telling us why Norman liked to dress up as his mom. Then there's some legal mumbo jumbo about how all the kids will be tried in court, leading me to believe they did not get away with it at all. Mom wants Duckling to turn state's evidence against the rest of the Killing Club and get some therapy. Mom leaves, telling Duckling they need new curtains.

Duckling then gets out the assignment she did for Snape at the beginning of the book. Not Preggo returned it to her, because that's what you do with the person who killed your husband. At the bottom of the poem, there's a really nice note from Snape saying he will see her next year and hopes she has a wonderful summer and that they will be besties forever. The author reflects that Duckling can not cry as she puts the book to bed.

Observations
1. Well, that's the end. Other than the usual argument against the exposition dump at the end, this is a well put together chapter wrapping up the story. As I said above, it is very much like the end of Psycho, kinda boring end to a fairly well told story. I would have liked to see the point of view of the other characters, particularily El Guapo, but the view from a broken writer is sometimes the best we get. Stay tuned for the review.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 18: Come On, Duckling, Light My Fire #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 18 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

The poop is contacting the fan as the Killing Club has turned on Duckling. Will she make it out alive? Onward!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary

Rocksteady tells Beebop and Cordelia to tie up Duckling and begins to question Duckling's commitment to Sparkle Motion. Rocksteady calms down Cordelia by slinging some crafted bullscience while Beebop holds Duckling. Cordelia gets a knife, and Rocksteady uses it to cut the cord from some drapes about which Duckling has a weird flashback.

Beebop has a moment of conscience, not wanting to be part of something bad, just part of a hostage situation. He and Rocksteady argue about going along with the plan, driving way the hell out of town with Snape's car, while Duckling is tied up in her house. Rocksteady says that everything's cool, he's gonna make sure Duckling don't say nothing, see. Beebop is a little uneasy about leaving his creepy friend with a tied up girl, but Cordelia convinces him to go with her and leave Rocksteady and Duckling to their business.

Rocksteady starts by opening up the windows and letting in some wind. He and Duckling chitchat about the house fire that killed his father, the same father that was going to have little Rocksteady put in juvenile jail. Duckling attempts to talk Rocksteady into going with her to the cops, but he retorts by setting her damn house on fire, starting with the drapes.

Rocksteady taunts Duckling a bit as the drapes go all flamy, about how the others will go along with him and how his dad was a meany pants. As Rocksteady goes to leave and Duckling decides to take a nap, she sees a man pull Rocksteady out the window and Preggo Snape’s face looking down at her..

Observations

1. Why the hell did we need to know the drape's back story? Is it important that they need to be cleaned a lot? I know this is just to show how disorganized Duckling's mind is, but she's being held hostage by a murder and his two accomplises. Goes without saying she would be a little unhinged.
2. I like the menace Rocksteady gives here. His own backstory coincides with his shitty characterization very well
3. I now have the answer to my first observation. I hope I am the first ever to type the words "Chekhov's Drapes."
4. Rocksteady's taunts give away two things: A) that he has thought about what the others will say and B) he already has plans to blame Beebop and Cordelia.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 17: Always Go to Church After Killing #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 17 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

A car is being painted and it looks like grandma got a visit from the big bad Killing Club. Let's go!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********


Summary
Duckling is building a fire and staying home from Sunday church potluck cause all this murder and lying just gave her a case of the blues. As she's scanning stations on the Devil's Picture Box when she runs across a news report about Snape's death. Just as she's about to eat, Beebop and Cordelia ring the doorbell.

The two of them for some reason tell Duckling about how they are going to get rid of Snape's car. Cordelia lets Duckling in on the fact that Cordelia told her mom she was staying at Duckling's house tonight and even though her mom will probably try to call Cordelia's cell phone, heads up. Then they ask if they can use Duckling's phone to call El Guapo because Beebop told his parents that he was staying with El.

Duckling calls El and learns that his grandma bit it. Bought the farm. Gone to visit the choir invisible. D-E-D, dead. Nobody seems concerned. Duckling is concerned, however, about whether Beebop can stay at his house and the ring. El puts down a solid no on both counts because his damn grandmother just died and the neighbor lady might have seen somebody kill her. Somebody wearing a brown sweater, but do not remember that because its a random detail that... wait a second, Duckling remembers that Rocksteady wears a brown sweater.

Duckling confronts Cordelia and Beebop with the knowledge that Rocksteady killed Gram Guapo and that she is going to the police. They are cool with Rocksteady murdering an old lady but are way not cool with Duckling going to the police. Cordelia goes to get Rocksteady while Beebop holds Duckling hostage. When Rocksteady comes in, whoo boy, he is wearin' his killin' sweater.

Observations
1. Why in the world is there a news report on Sunday night? I've never watch television in New Mexico, but I thought nightly news programs were reserved for weekdays. Does nothing ever happen in this town?
2. Why the hell do we get exposition about what they are going to do to the car? Why does Duckling need to know? She is the one person in this group I would not give information to as she has already proven herself the most likely to squeal.
3. Why the hell didn't Cordelia just call Duckling on the cell phone Cordelia mentioned she had? And why the hell didn't they use the cell to call El Guapo? See what happens when you update your book with tech?
4. Why does Duckling have to remember that Rocksteady wears a brown sweater? Couldn't she just freak out about going to the cops then have Rocksteady come in with the sweater? This is nuts.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 16: Exposition Central #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 16 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored. 

The bricks are falling down on this wall of teenage murder. Nobody knows what the hell is going on, but murder is being hid and shit ain't getting pretty. Here we go.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
The Duckling household eats breakfast and talks murder. Again. Facts that we already know are regurgitated out by way of news story while Duckling just feels all bad and stuff.

Cut to the Beebop household were Ma is worried that Rocksteady is taking advantage of her son by making him store and paint the murder car. More vomitus of exposition that WE ALREADY KNOW, SOME OF WHICH HAPPENED LAST DAMN CHAPTER, and we get that the parents don't like Rocksteady cause he ain't no good and he ain't never gonna be any good.

We jump over to the Snape house where Preggo Snape is having a quiet moment remembering her husband. Then a woman comes in and breaks the moment by telling her about the newspaper story of her husband's death but will not show Preggo because that might upset her.

Swish pan over and we are looking at Gram Guapo playing with the ring she stole from her grandson who took it off of Snape corpse (haha, book, see, I can exposition dump, too!). Gram is sure the ring is not her son's because El Guapo told her that last chapter, which she recounts in detail. Does anyone else think this couch is stuffed with too much PADDING?! But alas, oh no, a mysterious boy arrives and Gram is afraid! End chapter.

Observations
1. I get that this exposition is just to build suspence as we head to all these dumbass kids getting caught, but man is this just a boring read. Two sections right in a row that basically cover the entire books worth of information. I would think that maybe some big twist is coming, but when you give out the really big freaking twist as the title of the book and everything else has been happenstance I just can not get behind you.
2. The scene with Preggo really is heartbreaking and well written. The small moment of her not remembering that he is gone is well done. That being said, it does not belong in this book. It adds little to the story outside of giving sympathy for a dead man that could have been given through interaction with the kids rather than the omnicient narrator letting us in on the sadness.
3. I don't wish anything bad to happen to the old lady, but man... about time something happened that was caused by one of our characters.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 15: What Gram Thinks #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 15 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored. 

Snape's body has not risen on its own in an unholy terror but is found by police. The Killing Club has banded together and is searching for a way to make all this right. And by "right", I mean "get away with murdering their teacher." Let's cut to our action, already in progress.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling and El Guapo are rushing to Guapo Manor in order to get Snape's magical ring. Duckling is astounded to learn that El stole the ring from the corpse, but is down for whatever. When they get to the house, El finds that Gram has found the ring and hidden it away, believing it to be her deadbeat son's. El demands that she give it back, and she demands he turn over the father that she believes he is hiding. Duckling gets flustered by the whole thing, tries to lie their way out of it, then runs.

Attempting to find a rational thing to do, Duckling goes home and calls Rocksteady.

Observations
1. Over the previous chapters, we have seen these kids literally get away with murder. Now that the climax is builidng and everything is falling apart, I seem to find myself caring more and getting anxious for them, yet at the same time disinterested.
2. I really expected El to kill Gram here. With his poisoning expertise and her crazy attitude, I almost bet that this old lady is worm food by the end of the story.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 14: Things Fall Apart #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction?  This book, that’s what.  Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 14 of Killing Mr. Griffin.  The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

Snape is in the ground and Lady Preggo Snape got all up in Duckling's grill.  Is it too late for this book to become a zombie revenge novel?  Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
We set our scene in the Guapo living area.  Mama Guapo is folding laundry when Gram speaks up.

Gram:  I think our little boy El has been seeing his missing daddy, my son don't ya know.
Mama: Bullshit.  
Gram:  It's true, he's been out all the time all sneaky like.
Mama: Ha!  First he tries to poison you with jello now it sounds like you are accusing him of murdering that teacher or something.
Gram:  No, just of seeing his father, but that jello did taste funny.  And he lied about the game show.
Mama:  Gram, you so crazy, you are talking like a pregnant lady.
Gram:  I just want my son back, you don't want your husband back.  
Mama:  Blah, blah, I did.  Anyway, you're old, you don't see.
Gram: Yep, I'm older than old dirt, but I see the truth and speak it.
Mama: I'm outie.

Our next scene is in the police station.  Random Couple is speaking to Gordon.

Random Couple:  We found Snape's pill bottle where the Killing Club hang out.  And a shallow grave that we didn't think was one.  
Gordon: Cool.
Random Girl: Oh yeah, my ex-boyfriend Rocksteady used to take me out there.
Random Guy: Say wwwhhaaaaaat?

Our final scene is between Duckling, El Guapo, Cordelia and Rocksteady just hangin' out.

Rocksteady:  Where's Beebop?  Doesn't he know us hanging out together more and more cements our bond as a Killing Club?  And why didn't you tell us you got a speeding ticket on Murder Night?
Cordelia:  Eh, I thought 'Fudge it, man'
Everyone together: There goes our alibi! laughter
Rocksteady: Let's hide it in Beebop's parents garage.
Everyone together: Yay!
Beebop comes in.
Beebop:  They found the body.
Everyone together:  Fudge.
Rocksteady: We are putting the car in your garage.
Beebop: Like hell.
Rocksteady: Do it.
Beebop: Okay.
End scene.

Observations
1.  It is odd that this story is taking a turn in having the people "affected" (pregnant and elderly) are becoming the detectives.  Rather good ones, too.
2.  The scene in the police station seems rather shoved in, almost filler to give a plot point some meaning.  And the convenience of the girl being the college-aged girlfriend of Rocksteady that we keep hearing about is just off the charts random.  Who the hell just brings home their college sex buddy to see some random thing in the woods?
3.  Okay, the previous chapter's events where they dropped off the car at the airport and were followed by the cop are now given purpose in that the cop is the same one that pulled over Cordelia on Murder Night.  I am beginning to doubt how lucky the police really are in this town.  
4.  I am just astounded that these kids continue to both breathe and walk at the same time.  Why the hell continue any plans?  Continue life as normal or just turn yourselves in because all this cloak and dagger crap is just digging a bigger hole.  Oh, crap, I think I am invested in this.  Well played, Author Lois Duncan, well played.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 13: Law and Preggo #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 13 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

Our friendly neighborhood Killing Club looks to be getting away with the crime of the whatever century they are supposed to be in. The only things that can throw a wrench in their carefully thrown together plans are a police force that are not a bunch of morons or somebody with a conscience... Which will win out in the end? Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
As the Duckling family sits around the dinner table discussing Snape's disappreance, Ducking gets uncomfortable as her brothers discuss what they would do with the reward for finding Snape. Duckling begins to think of how murdering somebody changes you and her observant writer intuition begins examining how she will never be the same again. Then Snape's wife shows up.

Lady Preggo Snape wishes to talk with Duckling, her being the last known person to see Snape and all. Duckling's parents join in and everybody crams in on the couch just in time for Preggo to call Duckling a big fat liar for all those pant-on-fire things Duckling said to the police. Duckling freaks right the hell out under the preasure, sticking to the story about Snape pulling a Chevy Chase and looking at his bare wrist to check the time. Then, boom goes the dynomite as Preggo goes wacka-doo over the whole "Yo husband done run oft with a 'notha wo-man" crap Duckling slang to the cops. Preggo calls Duckling out, claiming that because Duckling lied about Snape than she knows where Snape is, which is honestly the most sound logic that anyone has used in this book so far.

Duckling begins climbing the road to Crazytown when El Guapo and Rocksteady show up. Preggo is introduced to them and identifies both the boys by events we have been told she knew in the previous chapter. Preggo, seeing that she cannot corner Duckling with the boys in the room, kicks rocks after leaving a menacing message that Duckling should call her if Duckling remembers anything else. Duckling agrees and the chapter ends, I can only imagine with the two of them staring at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Observations

1. Preggo comes across in this chapter as possibly the clearest thinking of the book. This is odd considering that she has lost her husband and pregnancy hormones tend to make for some unbalanced emotional states that do not always lead to the clearest thinking (yes, I've known some pregnant ladies, very intelligent ones, and all of them lost their shit once in a while, especially under stress. Please don't comment saying I hate pregnant people, I just don't find this lady all that probable. I will concede that some moms will say that they were fine and serene all through their ovenhood and I will accept their statement. However, I warn you not to trust these people as they just want you to join their screwy parenthood cult.)

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 12: Teacher Semetary #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 12 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

The last chapter showed the psychological strain Ophelia... whoops, Duckling is under after participating in the murder of a fellow human being. But what's everybody else up to? Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
El Guapo, Cordelia, Beebop and Rocksteady all show up at the killing picnic land to take care of Snape's body. Cordelia wonders why gross ol' Duckling is not with them but Rocksteady explains it's because Duckling's weak and had to talk to the cops. El Guapo defends Duckling and Cordelia gets all "Ew, you got Duckling cooties."

Beebop starts doing what men do and begins digging a shallow grave to bury his teacher in. Rocksteady thinks it is a good idea to roll the stiff for mad lutz, taking Snape's wallet and devising a plan to commit credit card fraud to hide where Snape is. Beebop once again has an attack of knowledge, quoting the grave digging scene from Hamlet.

Beebop checks in on Cordelia, who is playing in the water. He starts getting hints that maybe she wants to go out with Rocksteady instead of him after she shows jealosy at how Rocksteady is treating Duckling.

Beebop goes back and takes digging back over from El Guapo. El Guapo closes Snape's dead eyes and puts his windbreaker over Snape's dead face while Rocksteady makes jokes about what funeral music they should be playing. El Guapo has an attack of conscience and walks away from the burial thinking very Christian thoughts about the man they murdered. Then he gets in Snape's car and freaks out, repeating justifications and prayers until he is just about as crazy as a crap house rat.

Rocksteady (looking like a vampire that sucked the life from the dead guy) comes back and tells Cordelia and El Guapo to take Snape's car to the airport and ditch it. They go and get freaked out when a cop car pulls in the lot behind them. The wipe the prints and act all cool. The officer recognises Cordelia as the leave, but they get away clean.

Observations
1. I did not think El Guapo would stick up for Duckling. Part of me actually believed these all to be horrible people and it is kinda nice to see someone take some sort of moral ground, even if it is "don't pick on someone when we don't need them anymore cause I think she's sweet."
2. Another point to Beebop having learned something from Snape, also making allusion to their current situation as the fools in the plan.
3. Another anachronistic description with Rocksteady mentioning his iPod after detailing a rather dated credit card fraud plan that he should be better up to speed with being a criminal mind and all.
4. The touch at the end of the cop recognising Cordelia as they leave was good, giving the nature of the small town and the seeming uninterest of a police officer not wondering what two popular teenagers are doing at the airport long term parking so late in the day.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 11: Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Office #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 11 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored. 

When last we met, we got a little slice of life from the Rocksteady, Guapo, and Snape households, post kidnapping/manslaughter. How will the police pursue the investigation? Will Duckling crack under pressure? Will Gram Guapo get the love she deserves?

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling is sitting in class, daydreaming about how odd the nice teacher is subbing for their dead one, when her name is called over the loudspeaker to report to the office. We get a small flashback of the Duckling household and how the family think Duckling looks like crap. The reason she looks and feels like crap are her sensitive writer emotions making her feel all bad for killing a dude. The reason she went to school despite feeling like crap is that Rocksteady is a manipulative sociopath with mind suggestion powers.

On the way to the office, she meets up with Rocksteady. He preps her for her perp walk and reminds her that the police ain't nothin but punks. We also get a retread of Snape's philosophy that all the kids are spoiled brats, which might have been good if not coming from an entitled jerk. Rocksteady dismisses this load of bull pucky because Snape did not know who his father was. Rocksteady then coaches Duckling to tell the police that Snape had a dame on the side, a real doll with stems that go all the way to heaven and honey gold hair the color of fresh corn. Duckling tries to get Rocksteady to go with her, but he says no. As she walks away, he looks at her disapprovingly and gets some water.

Observations
1. I am not saying that I would have acted any better in their situation (teenagers are dumb), but man these kids just get on my nerves at how ho-hum the are about this whole murder thing.
2. I might be getting rusty at my lit crit or maybe this was shoehorned in a bit, but this chapter where Duckling relates Snapes words about Ophelia really hammered home the comparison between Duckling and Ophelia. Ironic, considering this comparison is handed to us from the words of a dead man who did not believe in handing out information.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 10: Do I Have to Call Batman on These Kids? #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 10 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored. 

The Killing Club has lived up to it's name and establishing an alibi at the local malt shop after the big game. Will Rocksteady come up with a plan to save all their butts? Will Duckling and El Guapo break out of their shells and get at least one conscious between them? Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Rocksteady's Aunt and Uncle comment on their nefew's early morning disappearance. They randomly tell each other information about their own lives both of them should know, like how they had grown kids and how it was the right thing to take Rocksteady in after blah blah.

Cut to Casa de Guapo. El Guapo is all full of murder and ain't very hungry for breakfast. Ma Guapo and Gram gush over how El Guapo is dating now and how cute it was. Then Gram starts farting up his alibi by not remembering and he almost reminds her about how he drugged her so he could go kill his teacher. El Guapo starts yelling at Gram that he ate the Jello with her and when she disagrees, whoo boy. Really, he's kinda testy. The whole scene ends when Gram upset that she slept through her afternoon shows in a drug stupor, El Guapo is mucking up his alibi, and Ma is weirded out to hell and back.

Whip pan over to the police station, where Preggo Snape is reporting her husband missing to Capt. Gordon. We learn that Snape is honestly the most boring man alive and that he is allergic to alcohol, which is just the biggest bummer ever. Gordon questions her some more about motive, whether Snape would have jumped ship because she had a bun nearly done in her oven, but she's all "Negatory, good buddy, my man's a keeper." Gordon says "Cool" and instead of going up to the roof and lighting up the Bat-signal decides to talk to Duckling, the last person to see Snape.

Observations
1. I know I have never been married, much less for years, but my parents were and I can not think of them sitting at morning coffee talking about their lives like this. Expo dump, indeed.
2. Their kid or not, how the hell can Rocksteady's guardians let him run around like this, coming home whenever he wants and never engaging him? I do not want to claim they are bad parents, but a lot of the blame is being laid on Rocksteady here with talk like, "our kids never blah, but this kid, he always blah." Not saying they could have helped it, but they do not seem to care much either way.
3. Another anachronistic moment when Gram mentions the Newlywed game, which I am fairly sure has not been around for about 15-20 years.
4. We learn from Lady Snape and Capt. Gordon that this takes place in Albequrqe, New Mexico. This has totally eluded me the entire 9 previous chapters.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 9: Everybody's an Asshole #evanreview

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

Well, we got the worst date ever last chapter, wonder what madcap adventures our heroes are in for today? El Guapo and Duckling are hanging with Snape corpse while everyone else is at the big game. Who they gonna call? Not the cops, I bet.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
So El Guapo and Duckling calmly assess the situation by doing the only reasonable thing: Finding the town wackjob, Rocksteady, that got them into this mess. Clearly he's the most reasonable person. Duckling has gone near catatonic and El Guapo is just nutty with thoughts of Snape corpse dancing in his head.

The two of them go to the big game. The crowd is just letting out as they search for Cordelia, Beebop and especially Rocksteady. Duckling just wants her daddy, so El Guapo leaves her to search alone. When he finds Cordelia and Rocksteady waiting for Beebop, he flat out tells them. The conversation goes thusly:

El Guapo: He's dead.
Rocksteady: Huh.
El Guapo: He's dead.
Rocksteady: Riiiiigght. Where's Duckling?
El Guapo: In the car.
Rocksteady: Don't let her escape!
El Guapo: On it, boss.

Cordelia and El Guapo go off to get to Duckling. Cordelia is freaked out as well, but Duckling scares the crap out of everyone by being calm as toast. Beebop and Rocksteady show. Rocksteady squeezes Duckling in the middle of the front seat between himself and Dave. The four of them drive to an empty parking lot and discuss how they are going to get away with manslaughter.

Everyone states reasons for what they should do. Cordelia and Beebop are concerned about their image. Rocksteady says they have alibis and will go to jail. El Guapo once again goes all Freudian about people going missing everyday. Duckling worries about little things like stains on her immortal soul.

Then they make plans for a good ole fashioned grave diggin after school. Duckling has a minor bout of having a conscious, but Rocksteady verbally talks her out of that for now.

Then they all go to the malt shop for a soda. You know, for alibi's sake.

Observations
1. I just want to go back to how dumb these kids are. Peer preasure or no, this is just off the charts goofy. Kids, if you find a body that you helped kidnap, do one of two things: Tell no one or tell the authorities. Learned that lesson from Stand by Me.
2. Good touch making Rocksteady corner Duckling in the front seat. Honestly, this is one of the most threatening things he has done and makes for a more calculating villian.
3. Rocksteady is also a smooth talking dude. Not many folks could calm a lady down with talk of your own father's burning to death.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 8: Wonder What They Will Find... #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

When last we met, Snape was tied up in the forest and everbody was headed to the big game. Well, almost everyone... Let us return to El Guapo Romantico, already in progress.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
El Guapo is concerned about Duckling and attempts to make contact with her through an ancient technology called "telephone." When he is told she is not answering the phone, he borrows his mom's family truckster and goes a'callin after a very creepy conversation with his mom about how his dad liked it pretty and strange.

At the Duckling residence, El Guapo and Duckling take a drive in his mom's swank ride. They talk about the usual stuff teenagers get up to, but mostly about how they had participated in a felony. Duckling is upset that they left Snape up in the woods, but El Guapo is cool as a thing that is cool but decided to calm down someone that is not cool.

Duckling cries and that gets El Guapo a'thinking that maybe the other guys in the Killing Club are untrustworthy. The two of them decide to go up in the woods alone in the dark to release and old man tied up in the woods like to regular kids on a Saturday night. They chit chat about running away and how Snape reminds El Guapo of some fruedian thing, I forget what.

Then they get to the clearing and go to find Snape and let him go. He is fine, goes back to his wife, they raise their child and name him after El Guapo Duckling Snape to thank them from saving him. Snape becomes a better teacher, El Guapo and Duckling get married and have a great life and the other characters all get hit by a bus and then everyone lives happily ever after.

Kidding. Snape's dead.

Observations
1. El Guapo's mom's random questioning about his father is rather off putting and strange. I get that she would not like him to turn out like his no-good Pa, but dropping it in the narrative like this is odd.
2. Why the hell didn't Duckling call the cops if she was so freaked out? Of all the folks involved, she has the most to lose and the least amount of blame associated. Even if she could not flat out lie and say she as innocent, calling the cops would have cleared most of that blame completely.
3. At one point, Duckling utters the line, "I didn't mean to make such a big deal." She is referring to RELEASING A MAN SHE HELPED KIDNAP. I offcially do not give one shit about anyone in this story anymore except maybe the grandma and that is because she is one castle away from being a true Disney villian.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 7: Cops and Kidnappers #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 7 of Killing Mr. Griffin.

The Killing Club has caught the rascal Mr. Snape and is taking him to the waterfall. Will Cordelia become a better person once she sees the helpless Mr. Snape? Will Rocksteady learn to read? The answer to none of those is below.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Cordelia drives all crazy-like down the road and misses the turn to the water fall where she is supposed to meet the rest of the Killing Club. On the way up the dirt road to the waterfall, she thinks about what a bummer it was to be pulled over by a police officer (the reason she was late to the kidnapping) and is excited to get to the scene of the kidnapping. Why couldn't they have waited until she got there to do the kidnapping, she thinks. (Really).

Then we flashback to Cordelia's overprivledged youth and how she always got everything she wanted her way because she is cute and she knows it. We also learn the only people that do not seem to care if she is cute are Mr. Snape and Rocksteady. We also learn that Rocksteady's grip on people and influence travels to others beyond his peer group as he got kicked out of Snape's class last year because he convinced a college girl to steal an old paper for him. Cordelia secretly harbors a crush for The Dark One that Is Rocksteady despite dating Beebop.

At the waterfall, Betsy gets all excited at the prospect of roughing up Snape. Rocksteady taunts Snape, who is tied up but not all that bothered by the whole affair. The four of them tell Snape that they are many, they are legion, and they all want to watch him suffer and die for the way he teaches. Snape calls bullshit.

The Killing Club makes fun of him for a bit over the fact that he takes pills made from explosives. The highly intelligent captors even attempt to detonate one. Finally, they all decide to focus on Snape's college ring. When that passes, they tell him to beg. Snape says no.

Snape reminds Cordelia of the policeman and she gets all angry again. Rocksteady is all about Snape begging to be set free, so he refuses to just walk away like they agreed. Rocksteady convinces the others to leave Snape out in the wild alone and check on him after the big game that night. So that's what they do, leaving Snape lying in the dirt.

Observations
1. Is the point of the Cordelia description to make us hate the character or to hate the writing? We already got good guy El Guapo slipping his Gram a mickey last chapter, now we have to sit through some rich/cute/entitled girl's backstory?
2. I applaud the author's attempt to make our characters diverse and dark, but the shallow nature of each seem to extend beyond mere teenage self indulgence and importance and right into near sociopathic behavior. Only Duckling seems kind of immune, but she is our "soulful writer."
3. I have to applaud how Snape is written here. He almost seems in control of the situation despite being tied up. After all, he is the only adult present.
4. Are these really college seniors? Are all of them so self-absorbed that they have never noticed a relative or somebody on television take heart medication?

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 6: Next Let’s Kick a Puppy! #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 6 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

Well, it is time to get on with an old fashioned kidnappin. Will the Killing Club be able to get Mr. Snape and put him in his place? As the title suggest, probably not unless there is one hell of a twist. Read on to find out how it goes!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary

We hear Gram Guapo's inner monoluge of disapproval as she spies on a neighbor lady. Gram quotes some scripture, then gets the shock of her life when the neighbor closes her blinds to stop the old religious hypocrite from spying. 

El Guapo shows up bouncing happy and gives her green jello. Then he handsome young man and the old lady watch some television. Turns out, El Guapo drugged the old ladies jello so he could slip out and commit his nefarious Snape-kidnapping plot.

Then we cut to Ma Cordelia as she gets a call from Cordelia. Cordelia tells Ma that she is going to the movies with Beebop and the gang and have some cake. Cut to Cordelia and we find that the voices of Beebop and Rocksteady were only a tape! Duh Duh Dum! And the cake she asks Ma if they can have? She eats some and destroys the rest! Ingenious!

El Guapo shows up at the school with Beebop and Rocksteady. The three discuss the merits of drugging the elderly before El Guapo gets in the back seat of Snape's car. Then Snape and Duckling walk out of the school. Beebop's inner monologue rambles about Cordelia and other non-interesting things.

The plan is supposed to go in these steps:

A. From the backseat, El Guapo puts a bag over Snape's head.

B. Beebop is supposed to get in the passenger side and contain Snape.

C. Rocksteady will try to hold Snape and tie him up from the driver's side.

D. Take Snape to the waterfall.

E. Get milkshakes or whatever sociopathic kids do after a felony.

The plan goes like this:

A. El Guapo puts the bag over Snape's head.

B. Beebop gets in the passenger side to hold down Snape and quotes Shakespeare.

C. They get him tied up, but Cordelia is not there with the car so they take Snape's.

D. Duckling is freaked right the hell out, but waits for Cordelia. Cordelia talks her down but Duckling will not go with her to follow the boys.

E. Duckling is freaked out that Snape called out for her to run, showing more than the monstrous self preservation she had expected.

Observations

1. Okay, kidnapping a teacher is one thing, but drugging a crazy grandma? I guess kidnapping is a gateway crime. "Already decided to kidnap Snape, might as well drug grandma, too. Hey, is dog fighting still an option?"

2. So they have cellphones, Google and DVDs, but Cordelia uses a tape recorder? I guess there was a couple of years of overlap, but even by then computers were the superior recording/playback system.

3. Interesting inclusion of Beebop's inner monologue that he actually had learned some Shakespeare from Snape.

4. Snape's car dying as they try to take it is a nice touch. Nothing like hammering home the point that something bad is going to happen. 

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 5: Snape at Home #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 5 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, The Killing Club of El Guapo, Duckling, Cordelia, Rocksteady and Beebop were putting their plan to kidnap Snape into action. Did you wonder what was happening in Snape’s world, though? Me neither.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Mrs. Snape wakes up to find her husband in the shower. We learn that she is a country girl, has little to no formal education, can probably sing ever line of "Stand By Your Man", and is more pregnant than a bunny in springtime.

We also learn that Cityboy Snape is a closed off and quiet man who left his job at university to go into public school to teach the dark art of English. Countrygirl Snape flashes back to her husband talking about giving the kids of America the "tough love" approach. Snape understands that he comes off as a horrible person but thinks that he knows what is the right way to teach young people, namely beat them over the head with learnin' till their noses bleed.

Back in the present, Snape comes in to breakfast and tells Countrygirl that he needs his plot device pills and that he will be late because of plot reasons (ironic Killing Club plan is a GO!). He also tells her that he thinks Duckling is a great writer but will not tell Duckling that because he is a dick. He does claim that he will love his own child, though.

Countrygirl then tells him to tell Duckling she is good and pat her on the head. This angers Snape and he leaves in a huff. Countrygirl feels a cry coming on and blames it on preggo hormones and not this jerk who just dismissed her. Then... Countrygirl gets a terrrrrriblllle feeeeellllllinggg and and almost calls him back. Then he does come back and wishes her a cold "love you" goodbye. Then she gives herself the "he'll be different when the baby comes, he'll be like that teacher in Mr. Holland's Opus" pep talk and we fade to ominous black.

Observations
1. Why the hell would a tenured professor at university level leave to teach high school? Especially one as socially devoid as Snape? His reasons are shotty at best, as "molding young minds" seems pretty crappy to someone as cold as this man is with students.

2. Who the hell taught this guy? His reason for not telling Duckling she is a good writer: it would make her happy and maybe give her confidence. Wouldn't that suck?

3. Snape mentioned Google. I just realized that I am reading an updated reprint of this book. Now I get the jarring feel when cellphones and other things are put in the story. Most of the writing is from the original 1978 text, and it feels like it. Had I known this was the case with the copy I got, I would have protested, but I'll deal. Updating texts with modern terms is a topic for another day, but this is really jarring and not serviceable to the story.

4. Snape will love his own child... YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO, YOU DUMMY.

5. Snape reflects back on Chapter 1 when El Guapo's paper was blown away by the wind. I have to admit his thoughts about putting it in a notebook were my own. Damn, hoisted by my own snark.

6. Did Countrygirl Snape really need to a) have a premonition that something bad was going to happen and b) have characteristics of a co-dependent battered wife? Did Snape himself have to be such a jerk at home that you almost wait in breathless abandon for him to live up to the title? Just because someone is loved, does not mean they deserve it and it does not make them a better character to have character witnesses that suffer under their emotional abuse. This chapter seemed as clusmy to me as the inserts of modern tech, slapped in as a response that we did not get enough characterization of the big bad teacher.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 4: Duckling on a Date #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? Killing Mr. Griffin, that’s what.

 Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 4: Duckling on a Date.  All the checker pieces are on the board for the kidnapping of the century, save one. When we last left Duckling, she was watching a bird sacrifice itself to express her pathos. Will Duckling go along with the plan. Find out after the jump. 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling wakes up on Saturday to a ringing telephone. This is odd because noone in their right mind would want to talk to her as all she does on Saturday is sit alone, read and write, she tells herself.

Turns out, it is for her. And it is El Guapo. Squee.

El Guapo invites her out on a picnic with some friends all casual-like, cause yeah, he knows she will go. As she hangs up, her brother says something, but she is all, OMG.

After getting ready for her day with some plain clothes, Duckling gets a visit from her mom who is so excited and junk. Mom goes into mom-mode and decides to make some sandwiches for the picnic. And cold fried chicken. And chocolate cake.

Then Duckling makes the mistake of most semi-smart, awkward people and starts to overthink things. What are we going to talk about, what should I wear, what do I say if he asks me to kidnap/murder a teacher. Crazy thoughts that ruin most encounters before they begin.

El Guapo comes to pick her up and he does good parent. Her parents wish her well and she is off to join the Killing Club of Cordelia, Rocksteady and Beebop already in the car. When she gets in the car, everyone is nice to her. Drinking and driving, laughing and talking, just carefree kids on a carefree Saturday like a commercial or something.

The Killing Club makes their way through the woods and into a grove with a waterfall. They all sit down to eat and just have a wonderful time. Rocksteady lights a joint and everyone chillaxes. Then Duckling takes off her glasses and the mood shifts.

They tell her their plan to kidnap Snape and ask her to join in. Duckling does not believe them, and thinks they are kidding her but they assure her they are not. The plan is simple. Duckling asks Snape to stay after school, the boys grab him, Cordelia provides an alibi. A Simple Plan.

She agrees and gets a kiss on the forehead from El Guapo as a reward.

OMINOUS LAST LINE ABOUT HER NOT BEING HAPPY EVER AGAIN!!!

Observations
1. So we find out that Duckling is a writer, making her a clear author avatar. I have no real issue with this, just wanted to point out that the mousy quiet girl with the heart of gold is the sensetive, creative one. Duh.
2. Am I missing something or were picnics always potluck? Back in my day, you invited a lady to a picnic you grabbed a blanket and stopped by the Kentucky Fried and got yo'self a platter to go. Simpler times.
3. When the popular people are nice to you, beware. Especially if a remote location is involved. S'all I'm saying.
4. I actually do like the scene where they tell Duckling the plan. Her taking off her glasses is a bit forced a metaphor, but it works.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 3: Everybody's Gram Poops #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 3 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, Beebop, Rocksteady and Cordelia had come up with a brilliant plan to kidnap their archenemy, Mr. Snape. Will El Guapo, the most hansomest kid in class, feel like joining in?

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
We cut to El Guapo, busy making himself a sandwich. He takes the time to talk to his grandmother and learns that she watched game shows and his mom did not leave the old lady lunch. As he goes to fix her jello, we can all reflect on what we can learn from the old and elderly abuse.

Or we could reflect on how women always leave you which is what El Guapo does as he thinks about his single parent mom. Then we learn the grandmother is the dead beat dad's mom, and our opinion of her improves. We listen in to more of El Guapo's thoughts as he does the dishes:

"My dad was as hansome as me. My mom must have liked him, being so handsome and all. I don't want to help my dirty, lying Gram to the bathroom..."

While waiting for Gram to evacuate her ancient blatter, he goes to the phone and thinks of all the fun he could be having if he were not such as maxi dweeb that comes home right after school and hangs with his grandmother instead of having friends. He also thinks about how his mother is a spinster and how he will go to college someday as long as he makes good grades. I think he also decides to sing a few bars of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Then El Guapo goes to the dark place. The place he rarely allows his mind to travel. English Class. Snape is mean.

A great author once said that when he was stuck on a scene, he just had a guy with a gun show up at the door. Rocksteady shows up. El Guapo walks him to the Beebop's car where Beebop and Cordelia are waiting. Rocksteady gives El Guapo the basics of the kidnap plan and El Guapo says he is for it and he will meet them later at the library after he gets his Gram from the bathroom.

*Observations*
1.  I wish I was kidding about the bathroom thing.
2.  He has a CD player and his friends have cellphones... For some reason I was imagining this book happening in the late 70s and everybody as the cast of Carrie, but that's probably just a product of my 80s built imagination.
3. I was kidding about the singing.

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_Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment._