Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 13: Law and Preggo #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 13 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

Our friendly neighborhood Killing Club looks to be getting away with the crime of the whatever century they are supposed to be in. The only things that can throw a wrench in their carefully thrown together plans are a police force that are not a bunch of morons or somebody with a conscience... Which will win out in the end? Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
As the Duckling family sits around the dinner table discussing Snape's disappreance, Ducking gets uncomfortable as her brothers discuss what they would do with the reward for finding Snape. Duckling begins to think of how murdering somebody changes you and her observant writer intuition begins examining how she will never be the same again. Then Snape's wife shows up.

Lady Preggo Snape wishes to talk with Duckling, her being the last known person to see Snape and all. Duckling's parents join in and everybody crams in on the couch just in time for Preggo to call Duckling a big fat liar for all those pant-on-fire things Duckling said to the police. Duckling freaks right the hell out under the preasure, sticking to the story about Snape pulling a Chevy Chase and looking at his bare wrist to check the time. Then, boom goes the dynomite as Preggo goes wacka-doo over the whole "Yo husband done run oft with a 'notha wo-man" crap Duckling slang to the cops. Preggo calls Duckling out, claiming that because Duckling lied about Snape than she knows where Snape is, which is honestly the most sound logic that anyone has used in this book so far.

Duckling begins climbing the road to Crazytown when El Guapo and Rocksteady show up. Preggo is introduced to them and identifies both the boys by events we have been told she knew in the previous chapter. Preggo, seeing that she cannot corner Duckling with the boys in the room, kicks rocks after leaving a menacing message that Duckling should call her if Duckling remembers anything else. Duckling agrees and the chapter ends, I can only imagine with the two of them staring at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Observations

1. Preggo comes across in this chapter as possibly the clearest thinking of the book. This is odd considering that she has lost her husband and pregnancy hormones tend to make for some unbalanced emotional states that do not always lead to the clearest thinking (yes, I've known some pregnant ladies, very intelligent ones, and all of them lost their shit once in a while, especially under stress. Please don't comment saying I hate pregnant people, I just don't find this lady all that probable. I will concede that some moms will say that they were fine and serene all through their ovenhood and I will accept their statement. However, I warn you not to trust these people as they just want you to join their screwy parenthood cult.)

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 12: Teacher Semetary #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 12 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

The last chapter showed the psychological strain Ophelia... whoops, Duckling is under after participating in the murder of a fellow human being. But what's everybody else up to? Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
El Guapo, Cordelia, Beebop and Rocksteady all show up at the killing picnic land to take care of Snape's body. Cordelia wonders why gross ol' Duckling is not with them but Rocksteady explains it's because Duckling's weak and had to talk to the cops. El Guapo defends Duckling and Cordelia gets all "Ew, you got Duckling cooties."

Beebop starts doing what men do and begins digging a shallow grave to bury his teacher in. Rocksteady thinks it is a good idea to roll the stiff for mad lutz, taking Snape's wallet and devising a plan to commit credit card fraud to hide where Snape is. Beebop once again has an attack of knowledge, quoting the grave digging scene from Hamlet.

Beebop checks in on Cordelia, who is playing in the water. He starts getting hints that maybe she wants to go out with Rocksteady instead of him after she shows jealosy at how Rocksteady is treating Duckling.

Beebop goes back and takes digging back over from El Guapo. El Guapo closes Snape's dead eyes and puts his windbreaker over Snape's dead face while Rocksteady makes jokes about what funeral music they should be playing. El Guapo has an attack of conscience and walks away from the burial thinking very Christian thoughts about the man they murdered. Then he gets in Snape's car and freaks out, repeating justifications and prayers until he is just about as crazy as a crap house rat.

Rocksteady (looking like a vampire that sucked the life from the dead guy) comes back and tells Cordelia and El Guapo to take Snape's car to the airport and ditch it. They go and get freaked out when a cop car pulls in the lot behind them. The wipe the prints and act all cool. The officer recognises Cordelia as the leave, but they get away clean.

Observations
1. I did not think El Guapo would stick up for Duckling. Part of me actually believed these all to be horrible people and it is kinda nice to see someone take some sort of moral ground, even if it is "don't pick on someone when we don't need them anymore cause I think she's sweet."
2. Another point to Beebop having learned something from Snape, also making allusion to their current situation as the fools in the plan.
3. Another anachronistic description with Rocksteady mentioning his iPod after detailing a rather dated credit card fraud plan that he should be better up to speed with being a criminal mind and all.
4. The touch at the end of the cop recognising Cordelia as they leave was good, giving the nature of the small town and the seeming uninterest of a police officer not wondering what two popular teenagers are doing at the airport long term parking so late in the day.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 11: Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Office #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 11 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored. 

When last we met, we got a little slice of life from the Rocksteady, Guapo, and Snape households, post kidnapping/manslaughter. How will the police pursue the investigation? Will Duckling crack under pressure? Will Gram Guapo get the love she deserves?

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling is sitting in class, daydreaming about how odd the nice teacher is subbing for their dead one, when her name is called over the loudspeaker to report to the office. We get a small flashback of the Duckling household and how the family think Duckling looks like crap. The reason she looks and feels like crap are her sensitive writer emotions making her feel all bad for killing a dude. The reason she went to school despite feeling like crap is that Rocksteady is a manipulative sociopath with mind suggestion powers.

On the way to the office, she meets up with Rocksteady. He preps her for her perp walk and reminds her that the police ain't nothin but punks. We also get a retread of Snape's philosophy that all the kids are spoiled brats, which might have been good if not coming from an entitled jerk. Rocksteady dismisses this load of bull pucky because Snape did not know who his father was. Rocksteady then coaches Duckling to tell the police that Snape had a dame on the side, a real doll with stems that go all the way to heaven and honey gold hair the color of fresh corn. Duckling tries to get Rocksteady to go with her, but he says no. As she walks away, he looks at her disapprovingly and gets some water.

Observations
1. I am not saying that I would have acted any better in their situation (teenagers are dumb), but man these kids just get on my nerves at how ho-hum the are about this whole murder thing.
2. I might be getting rusty at my lit crit or maybe this was shoehorned in a bit, but this chapter where Duckling relates Snapes words about Ophelia really hammered home the comparison between Duckling and Ophelia. Ironic, considering this comparison is handed to us from the words of a dead man who did not believe in handing out information.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 10: Do I Have to Call Batman on These Kids? #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 10 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored. 

The Killing Club has lived up to it's name and establishing an alibi at the local malt shop after the big game. Will Rocksteady come up with a plan to save all their butts? Will Duckling and El Guapo break out of their shells and get at least one conscious between them? Let's find out.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Rocksteady's Aunt and Uncle comment on their nefew's early morning disappearance. They randomly tell each other information about their own lives both of them should know, like how they had grown kids and how it was the right thing to take Rocksteady in after blah blah.

Cut to Casa de Guapo. El Guapo is all full of murder and ain't very hungry for breakfast. Ma Guapo and Gram gush over how El Guapo is dating now and how cute it was. Then Gram starts farting up his alibi by not remembering and he almost reminds her about how he drugged her so he could go kill his teacher. El Guapo starts yelling at Gram that he ate the Jello with her and when she disagrees, whoo boy. Really, he's kinda testy. The whole scene ends when Gram upset that she slept through her afternoon shows in a drug stupor, El Guapo is mucking up his alibi, and Ma is weirded out to hell and back.

Whip pan over to the police station, where Preggo Snape is reporting her husband missing to Capt. Gordon. We learn that Snape is honestly the most boring man alive and that he is allergic to alcohol, which is just the biggest bummer ever. Gordon questions her some more about motive, whether Snape would have jumped ship because she had a bun nearly done in her oven, but she's all "Negatory, good buddy, my man's a keeper." Gordon says "Cool" and instead of going up to the roof and lighting up the Bat-signal decides to talk to Duckling, the last person to see Snape.

Observations
1. I know I have never been married, much less for years, but my parents were and I can not think of them sitting at morning coffee talking about their lives like this. Expo dump, indeed.
2. Their kid or not, how the hell can Rocksteady's guardians let him run around like this, coming home whenever he wants and never engaging him? I do not want to claim they are bad parents, but a lot of the blame is being laid on Rocksteady here with talk like, "our kids never blah, but this kid, he always blah." Not saying they could have helped it, but they do not seem to care much either way.
3. Another anachronistic moment when Gram mentions the Newlywed game, which I am fairly sure has not been around for about 15-20 years.
4. We learn from Lady Snape and Capt. Gordon that this takes place in Albequrqe, New Mexico. This has totally eluded me the entire 9 previous chapters.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 9: Everybody's an Asshole #evanreview

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

Well, we got the worst date ever last chapter, wonder what madcap adventures our heroes are in for today? El Guapo and Duckling are hanging with Snape corpse while everyone else is at the big game. Who they gonna call? Not the cops, I bet.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
So El Guapo and Duckling calmly assess the situation by doing the only reasonable thing: Finding the town wackjob, Rocksteady, that got them into this mess. Clearly he's the most reasonable person. Duckling has gone near catatonic and El Guapo is just nutty with thoughts of Snape corpse dancing in his head.

The two of them go to the big game. The crowd is just letting out as they search for Cordelia, Beebop and especially Rocksteady. Duckling just wants her daddy, so El Guapo leaves her to search alone. When he finds Cordelia and Rocksteady waiting for Beebop, he flat out tells them. The conversation goes thusly:

El Guapo: He's dead.
Rocksteady: Huh.
El Guapo: He's dead.
Rocksteady: Riiiiigght. Where's Duckling?
El Guapo: In the car.
Rocksteady: Don't let her escape!
El Guapo: On it, boss.

Cordelia and El Guapo go off to get to Duckling. Cordelia is freaked out as well, but Duckling scares the crap out of everyone by being calm as toast. Beebop and Rocksteady show. Rocksteady squeezes Duckling in the middle of the front seat between himself and Dave. The four of them drive to an empty parking lot and discuss how they are going to get away with manslaughter.

Everyone states reasons for what they should do. Cordelia and Beebop are concerned about their image. Rocksteady says they have alibis and will go to jail. El Guapo once again goes all Freudian about people going missing everyday. Duckling worries about little things like stains on her immortal soul.

Then they make plans for a good ole fashioned grave diggin after school. Duckling has a minor bout of having a conscious, but Rocksteady verbally talks her out of that for now.

Then they all go to the malt shop for a soda. You know, for alibi's sake.

Observations
1. I just want to go back to how dumb these kids are. Peer preasure or no, this is just off the charts goofy. Kids, if you find a body that you helped kidnap, do one of two things: Tell no one or tell the authorities. Learned that lesson from Stand by Me.
2. Good touch making Rocksteady corner Duckling in the front seat. Honestly, this is one of the most threatening things he has done and makes for a more calculating villian.
3. Rocksteady is also a smooth talking dude. Not many folks could calm a lady down with talk of your own father's burning to death.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 8: Wonder What They Will Find... #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

When last we met, Snape was tied up in the forest and everbody was headed to the big game. Well, almost everyone... Let us return to El Guapo Romantico, already in progress.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
El Guapo is concerned about Duckling and attempts to make contact with her through an ancient technology called "telephone." When he is told she is not answering the phone, he borrows his mom's family truckster and goes a'callin after a very creepy conversation with his mom about how his dad liked it pretty and strange.

At the Duckling residence, El Guapo and Duckling take a drive in his mom's swank ride. They talk about the usual stuff teenagers get up to, but mostly about how they had participated in a felony. Duckling is upset that they left Snape up in the woods, but El Guapo is cool as a thing that is cool but decided to calm down someone that is not cool.

Duckling cries and that gets El Guapo a'thinking that maybe the other guys in the Killing Club are untrustworthy. The two of them decide to go up in the woods alone in the dark to release and old man tied up in the woods like to regular kids on a Saturday night. They chit chat about running away and how Snape reminds El Guapo of some fruedian thing, I forget what.

Then they get to the clearing and go to find Snape and let him go. He is fine, goes back to his wife, they raise their child and name him after El Guapo Duckling Snape to thank them from saving him. Snape becomes a better teacher, El Guapo and Duckling get married and have a great life and the other characters all get hit by a bus and then everyone lives happily ever after.

Kidding. Snape's dead.

Observations
1. El Guapo's mom's random questioning about his father is rather off putting and strange. I get that she would not like him to turn out like his no-good Pa, but dropping it in the narrative like this is odd.
2. Why the hell didn't Duckling call the cops if she was so freaked out? Of all the folks involved, she has the most to lose and the least amount of blame associated. Even if she could not flat out lie and say she as innocent, calling the cops would have cleared most of that blame completely.
3. At one point, Duckling utters the line, "I didn't mean to make such a big deal." She is referring to RELEASING A MAN SHE HELPED KIDNAP. I offcially do not give one shit about anyone in this story anymore except maybe the grandma and that is because she is one castle away from being a true Disney villian.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 7: Cops and Kidnappers #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 7 of Killing Mr. Griffin.

The Killing Club has caught the rascal Mr. Snape and is taking him to the waterfall. Will Cordelia become a better person once she sees the helpless Mr. Snape? Will Rocksteady learn to read? The answer to none of those is below.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Cordelia drives all crazy-like down the road and misses the turn to the water fall where she is supposed to meet the rest of the Killing Club. On the way up the dirt road to the waterfall, she thinks about what a bummer it was to be pulled over by a police officer (the reason she was late to the kidnapping) and is excited to get to the scene of the kidnapping. Why couldn't they have waited until she got there to do the kidnapping, she thinks. (Really).

Then we flashback to Cordelia's overprivledged youth and how she always got everything she wanted her way because she is cute and she knows it. We also learn the only people that do not seem to care if she is cute are Mr. Snape and Rocksteady. We also learn that Rocksteady's grip on people and influence travels to others beyond his peer group as he got kicked out of Snape's class last year because he convinced a college girl to steal an old paper for him. Cordelia secretly harbors a crush for The Dark One that Is Rocksteady despite dating Beebop.

At the waterfall, Betsy gets all excited at the prospect of roughing up Snape. Rocksteady taunts Snape, who is tied up but not all that bothered by the whole affair. The four of them tell Snape that they are many, they are legion, and they all want to watch him suffer and die for the way he teaches. Snape calls bullshit.

The Killing Club makes fun of him for a bit over the fact that he takes pills made from explosives. The highly intelligent captors even attempt to detonate one. Finally, they all decide to focus on Snape's college ring. When that passes, they tell him to beg. Snape says no.

Snape reminds Cordelia of the policeman and she gets all angry again. Rocksteady is all about Snape begging to be set free, so he refuses to just walk away like they agreed. Rocksteady convinces the others to leave Snape out in the wild alone and check on him after the big game that night. So that's what they do, leaving Snape lying in the dirt.

Observations
1. Is the point of the Cordelia description to make us hate the character or to hate the writing? We already got good guy El Guapo slipping his Gram a mickey last chapter, now we have to sit through some rich/cute/entitled girl's backstory?
2. I applaud the author's attempt to make our characters diverse and dark, but the shallow nature of each seem to extend beyond mere teenage self indulgence and importance and right into near sociopathic behavior. Only Duckling seems kind of immune, but she is our "soulful writer."
3. I have to applaud how Snape is written here. He almost seems in control of the situation despite being tied up. After all, he is the only adult present.
4. Are these really college seniors? Are all of them so self-absorbed that they have never noticed a relative or somebody on television take heart medication?

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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