Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 6: Next Let’s Kick a Puppy! #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 6 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

Well, it is time to get on with an old fashioned kidnappin. Will the Killing Club be able to get Mr. Snape and put him in his place? As the title suggest, probably not unless there is one hell of a twist. Read on to find out how it goes!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary

We hear Gram Guapo's inner monoluge of disapproval as she spies on a neighbor lady. Gram quotes some scripture, then gets the shock of her life when the neighbor closes her blinds to stop the old religious hypocrite from spying. 

El Guapo shows up bouncing happy and gives her green jello. Then he handsome young man and the old lady watch some television. Turns out, El Guapo drugged the old ladies jello so he could slip out and commit his nefarious Snape-kidnapping plot.

Then we cut to Ma Cordelia as she gets a call from Cordelia. Cordelia tells Ma that she is going to the movies with Beebop and the gang and have some cake. Cut to Cordelia and we find that the voices of Beebop and Rocksteady were only a tape! Duh Duh Dum! And the cake she asks Ma if they can have? She eats some and destroys the rest! Ingenious!

El Guapo shows up at the school with Beebop and Rocksteady. The three discuss the merits of drugging the elderly before El Guapo gets in the back seat of Snape's car. Then Snape and Duckling walk out of the school. Beebop's inner monologue rambles about Cordelia and other non-interesting things.

The plan is supposed to go in these steps:

A. From the backseat, El Guapo puts a bag over Snape's head.

B. Beebop is supposed to get in the passenger side and contain Snape.

C. Rocksteady will try to hold Snape and tie him up from the driver's side.

D. Take Snape to the waterfall.

E. Get milkshakes or whatever sociopathic kids do after a felony.

The plan goes like this:

A. El Guapo puts the bag over Snape's head.

B. Beebop gets in the passenger side to hold down Snape and quotes Shakespeare.

C. They get him tied up, but Cordelia is not there with the car so they take Snape's.

D. Duckling is freaked right the hell out, but waits for Cordelia. Cordelia talks her down but Duckling will not go with her to follow the boys.

E. Duckling is freaked out that Snape called out for her to run, showing more than the monstrous self preservation she had expected.

Observations

1. Okay, kidnapping a teacher is one thing, but drugging a crazy grandma? I guess kidnapping is a gateway crime. "Already decided to kidnap Snape, might as well drug grandma, too. Hey, is dog fighting still an option?"

2. So they have cellphones, Google and DVDs, but Cordelia uses a tape recorder? I guess there was a couple of years of overlap, but even by then computers were the superior recording/playback system.

3. Interesting inclusion of Beebop's inner monologue that he actually had learned some Shakespeare from Snape.

4. Snape's car dying as they try to take it is a nice touch. Nothing like hammering home the point that something bad is going to happen. 

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 5: Snape at Home #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 5 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, The Killing Club of El Guapo, Duckling, Cordelia, Rocksteady and Beebop were putting their plan to kidnap Snape into action. Did you wonder what was happening in Snape’s world, though? Me neither.

 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Mrs. Snape wakes up to find her husband in the shower. We learn that she is a country girl, has little to no formal education, can probably sing ever line of "Stand By Your Man", and is more pregnant than a bunny in springtime.

We also learn that Cityboy Snape is a closed off and quiet man who left his job at university to go into public school to teach the dark art of English. Countrygirl Snape flashes back to her husband talking about giving the kids of America the "tough love" approach. Snape understands that he comes off as a horrible person but thinks that he knows what is the right way to teach young people, namely beat them over the head with learnin' till their noses bleed.

Back in the present, Snape comes in to breakfast and tells Countrygirl that he needs his plot device pills and that he will be late because of plot reasons (ironic Killing Club plan is a GO!). He also tells her that he thinks Duckling is a great writer but will not tell Duckling that because he is a dick. He does claim that he will love his own child, though.

Countrygirl then tells him to tell Duckling she is good and pat her on the head. This angers Snape and he leaves in a huff. Countrygirl feels a cry coming on and blames it on preggo hormones and not this jerk who just dismissed her. Then... Countrygirl gets a terrrrrriblllle feeeeellllllinggg and and almost calls him back. Then he does come back and wishes her a cold "love you" goodbye. Then she gives herself the "he'll be different when the baby comes, he'll be like that teacher in Mr. Holland's Opus" pep talk and we fade to ominous black.

Observations
1. Why the hell would a tenured professor at university level leave to teach high school? Especially one as socially devoid as Snape? His reasons are shotty at best, as "molding young minds" seems pretty crappy to someone as cold as this man is with students.

2. Who the hell taught this guy? His reason for not telling Duckling she is a good writer: it would make her happy and maybe give her confidence. Wouldn't that suck?

3. Snape mentioned Google. I just realized that I am reading an updated reprint of this book. Now I get the jarring feel when cellphones and other things are put in the story. Most of the writing is from the original 1978 text, and it feels like it. Had I known this was the case with the copy I got, I would have protested, but I'll deal. Updating texts with modern terms is a topic for another day, but this is really jarring and not serviceable to the story.

4. Snape will love his own child... YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO, YOU DUMMY.

5. Snape reflects back on Chapter 1 when El Guapo's paper was blown away by the wind. I have to admit his thoughts about putting it in a notebook were my own. Damn, hoisted by my own snark.

6. Did Countrygirl Snape really need to a) have a premonition that something bad was going to happen and b) have characteristics of a co-dependent battered wife? Did Snape himself have to be such a jerk at home that you almost wait in breathless abandon for him to live up to the title? Just because someone is loved, does not mean they deserve it and it does not make them a better character to have character witnesses that suffer under their emotional abuse. This chapter seemed as clusmy to me as the inserts of modern tech, slapped in as a response that we did not get enough characterization of the big bad teacher.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 4: Duckling on a Date #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? Killing Mr. Griffin, that’s what.

 Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 4: Duckling on a Date.  All the checker pieces are on the board for the kidnapping of the century, save one. When we last left Duckling, she was watching a bird sacrifice itself to express her pathos. Will Duckling go along with the plan. Find out after the jump. 

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling wakes up on Saturday to a ringing telephone. This is odd because noone in their right mind would want to talk to her as all she does on Saturday is sit alone, read and write, she tells herself.

Turns out, it is for her. And it is El Guapo. Squee.

El Guapo invites her out on a picnic with some friends all casual-like, cause yeah, he knows she will go. As she hangs up, her brother says something, but she is all, OMG.

After getting ready for her day with some plain clothes, Duckling gets a visit from her mom who is so excited and junk. Mom goes into mom-mode and decides to make some sandwiches for the picnic. And cold fried chicken. And chocolate cake.

Then Duckling makes the mistake of most semi-smart, awkward people and starts to overthink things. What are we going to talk about, what should I wear, what do I say if he asks me to kidnap/murder a teacher. Crazy thoughts that ruin most encounters before they begin.

El Guapo comes to pick her up and he does good parent. Her parents wish her well and she is off to join the Killing Club of Cordelia, Rocksteady and Beebop already in the car. When she gets in the car, everyone is nice to her. Drinking and driving, laughing and talking, just carefree kids on a carefree Saturday like a commercial or something.

The Killing Club makes their way through the woods and into a grove with a waterfall. They all sit down to eat and just have a wonderful time. Rocksteady lights a joint and everyone chillaxes. Then Duckling takes off her glasses and the mood shifts.

They tell her their plan to kidnap Snape and ask her to join in. Duckling does not believe them, and thinks they are kidding her but they assure her they are not. The plan is simple. Duckling asks Snape to stay after school, the boys grab him, Cordelia provides an alibi. A Simple Plan.

She agrees and gets a kiss on the forehead from El Guapo as a reward.

OMINOUS LAST LINE ABOUT HER NOT BEING HAPPY EVER AGAIN!!!

Observations
1. So we find out that Duckling is a writer, making her a clear author avatar. I have no real issue with this, just wanted to point out that the mousy quiet girl with the heart of gold is the sensetive, creative one. Duh.
2. Am I missing something or were picnics always potluck? Back in my day, you invited a lady to a picnic you grabbed a blanket and stopped by the Kentucky Fried and got yo'self a platter to go. Simpler times.
3. When the popular people are nice to you, beware. Especially if a remote location is involved. S'all I'm saying.
4. I actually do like the scene where they tell Duckling the plan. Her taking off her glasses is a bit forced a metaphor, but it works.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 3: Everybody's Gram Poops #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 3 of Killing Mr. Griffin. 

When we last left off, Beebop, Rocksteady and Cordelia had come up with a brilliant plan to kidnap their archenemy, Mr. Snape. Will El Guapo, the most hansomest kid in class, feel like joining in?

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
We cut to El Guapo, busy making himself a sandwich. He takes the time to talk to his grandmother and learns that she watched game shows and his mom did not leave the old lady lunch. As he goes to fix her jello, we can all reflect on what we can learn from the old and elderly abuse.

Or we could reflect on how women always leave you which is what El Guapo does as he thinks about his single parent mom. Then we learn the grandmother is the dead beat dad's mom, and our opinion of her improves. We listen in to more of El Guapo's thoughts as he does the dishes:

"My dad was as hansome as me. My mom must have liked him, being so handsome and all. I don't want to help my dirty, lying Gram to the bathroom..."

While waiting for Gram to evacuate her ancient blatter, he goes to the phone and thinks of all the fun he could be having if he were not such as maxi dweeb that comes home right after school and hangs with his grandmother instead of having friends. He also thinks about how his mother is a spinster and how he will go to college someday as long as he makes good grades. I think he also decides to sing a few bars of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Then El Guapo goes to the dark place. The place he rarely allows his mind to travel. English Class. Snape is mean.

A great author once said that when he was stuck on a scene, he just had a guy with a gun show up at the door. Rocksteady shows up. El Guapo walks him to the Beebop's car where Beebop and Cordelia are waiting. Rocksteady gives El Guapo the basics of the kidnap plan and El Guapo says he is for it and he will meet them later at the library after he gets his Gram from the bathroom.

*Observations*
1.  I wish I was kidding about the bathroom thing.
2.  He has a CD player and his friends have cellphones... For some reason I was imagining this book happening in the late 70s and everybody as the cast of Carrie, but that's probably just a product of my 80s built imagination.
3. I was kidding about the singing.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 2: Kidnapping Snape #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen ficiton? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reads for Chapter Two of Killing Mr. Griffin, a talking head scene that gives us some insight into our characters and serves as the launching point for what can only be a bunch of horrible mistakes and wacky misadventures.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
When we last left off, everybody was at school and Mr. Snape was mean... Now they are not at school and everybody is mad...

Beebop is hanging at the malt shop with Rocksteady and Cordelia. The three are discussing how unfair their horrible teacher Mr. Snape is when Rocksteady hatches a plan. He leads the others outside and tells them they should kidnap Mr. Snape.

The two of them think this is a grand idea because apparently this happens a lot in their town. The three agree they need a decoy and an alibi guy, nominating El Guapo and Duckling respectively. El Guapo will do it because he's a cool dude with all the right movies. Duckling will do it because Snape's all ways bringing her down and El Guapo is dreamy.

We are treated to a flashback of when Beebop met Rocksteady. Rocksteady had just moved to town and chose Beebop as his new bestie. Then he invited Beebop to meet up with him after school for something to do with a cat. I'm gonna assume kitty costume contest.

Back in the present, everyone is jazzed that nothing can go wrong with the simple high school prank of kidnapping the most hated teacher in school.

Oh, and it was not a kitty costume contest. Rocksteady set a cat on fire.

Observations
1. Very convienent the kids just now start talking about killing the horrible teacher. I don't want to get morbid, but you really don't have to put this kind of foreshadowing in a book where the title announces what could happen. Duncan (the author) could have the kids already planning his murder, like teenagers are want to do.
2. More show don't tell that seems to be common in YA fiction. The previous chapter already showed some signs the teacher is a jerk, why not show the scene where he makes a kid beg for another chance instead of having the kids say what already happened?
3. So here we have the psychopath, the mook and the doll all ready to pull off a job. How the hell am I supposed to think these people are in high school?

_Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews Feel free to comment._


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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 1: Meet the Duckling #evanreviews

Meet Duckling, the sad girl with a heart of gold. Will we find out how this zero becomes a hero or learn the true story of Weekend at Bernies?  Find out in the first chapter of Killing Mr. Griffin.

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Susan Lee Duckling walks across a windy parking lot, blocking the glasses that hide her inner beauty so they don't get scratched.  Then we get a flashback to breakfast where Duckling tells her parents and family that she's gonna get out of this town, see, and make something of herself, that's the ticket.  They make fun of her.  

Back to the parking lot, David El Guapo looses his important assignment and is unable to catch the papers.  The two of them talk about dum dum dum Mr. Griffin as they walk indoors and run into Beebop and Rocksteady.  El Guapo goes off with his minions as Duckling lements her impression on El Guapo because that's what lonely girls do.

Every body arrives in class and takes their seats.  Everyone has friends to talk to but poor Duckling.  Duckling takes the time to judge everyone around her, especially Cordelia the Popular.  In walks dum dum dum Mr. Griffin and class begins.

Beebop, El Guapo and Cordelia all give reasons as to why they do not have the homework assignment.  scary noise Mr. Griffin gives reasons as to why he does not give a shit.  Duckling reads over her poem, an interesting bit of verse, before handing it in.  Beebop freaks out because meany pants teacher is being unfair about failing the kids that did not do their work.  Rocksteady attempts to calm Beebop, but he's all mad and not gonna take it.  dum dum dum Bad Teacher lets it slip that he failed Rocksteady, then pops a pill and tells them to open their books.

Duckling watches the windy parking lot as a bird smashes into the window and dies.  Beebop quietly says he would like to kill Prof. Crabbybritches.

Observations
1.  I know kids are dumb, but why in the world would you carry an important paper around in loose leaf on a very windy day?
2.  Is no one allowed to leave this town?  Or dream about leaving the town?  When I was in high school and said I wanted to move out, my parents were like "Where to and how soon?"  On second thought that may say more about me than Duckling.
3.  The class assignment was to write Ophelia's last words before she commits suicide.  That's not hard, just write "my boyfriends crazy and he killed my dad" and then figure out the onomoniopiea for the sound of your finger wiggling in front of your mouth.
4.  Am I to get it right that in small town whereever there are schools that place academics above athletics.  With all the wind outside, I would not be surprised if this was Oz High and Oompa Loompas were the cafeteria workers.



Thank you, this has been today's Evan Reviews. Feel free to comment.


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100 Books: Golden Compass by Philip Pullman

The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

*BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS*

Children are being grabbed across London and the only one that can stop the kidnapping is a little girl and her shape-shifting, talking daemon. With a talking bear and a tribe of Gyptians as companions, Lyra races across the landscape to confront the evil Mrs. Coulter and her Gobblers as well as rescue her father from the other talking bears.  There's a golden compass somewhere in there too, but don't worry about it cause none of the characters do either.


The setting of our story is other dimension London/Frozen North. The Church rules everything with an iron fist, allowing for plausible deniability with every turn. Steampunk rules the landscape, with everything running off of gas or candle power. Oh, did I mention everyone wears their soul on the outside in the form of a random animal and their are talking bears? This is a little jarring as the semi-modern location and steampunk feel of the atmosphere do not lend to a fantasy... yet talking animals abound. Yeah, let’s meet the people.

First up is Lyra, the main character. As a precocious little girl raised by Scholars (think monks), Lyra is a bit of a wild child prone to mouthing off and getting into trouble. And that’s what she does most of the time when she is not sleeping.

Then we have our main villains, Mrs. Coulter and the Gobblers. In charge of snatching children from the streets, these people are nice and calm on the outside but are capable of a cold and merciless type of violence that makes for terrifying fridge logic thoughts (the ones that occur after you are done reading/viewing and come to you as you are getting a snack from the fridge).

Armored bears are also in this book, but think of them as as dwarves mashed with Klingons, a proud warrior race that is good with metal and really cares about honor.

The characters as a whole are more defined than I give them credit for, but for the most part are lazy. The story is driven almost exclusively by the actions of the villains with (with the exception of one or two scenes) our heroes being reactive. I cannot count how many times I wondered if Lyra falling asleep was a catalyst for change in this story. If she were Sleeping Beauty these folks might have build a space shuttle by the time she woke up.

The central theme in this story seems to be about innocence and experience. Lyra, our innocent child, is introduced to several very horrifying truths throughout the tale, including being betrayed by those she should trust the most and getting help by those set up as villains early on. These lessons are well thought out and acted, albeit in a very dry and talkative manner.

The author does seem to have several reasons to write this story, but none of the themes I came away with are important enough to continue the series. The most prominent seems to be to create a world that shows the evils of religion and power as well as how bad it is to go against one’s nature. I half expected the villain to be the Pope with a giant bat as his daemon.

As a novel, the writing is not impressive. The descriptions and language are well used, but there are many flaws in the narrative. Much of the story is filler with either one character relating previous events or Lyra reflecting on what has happened to her. The action, with two great exceptions, is poor at best giving us either a “too close” perspective like that of the Matt Damon Bourne movies or happens just off screen with yet another character telling the reader what happened.

Why was it banned?
The book was banned mainly for religious reasons. The author, a devout atheist (can you be devout... whatever), threw in a lot of re-imaginings of biblical texts to fit in with his world. I would have loved to have heard his view on Noah, what with two of everything and then the people and their daemon’s drowning outside the boat. He also does not paint the Church (religion as a whole, but mostly Christian) in a good light as it appears being excommunicated is paramount to being shot into the sun. This backwards view of society via the books steampunkian way-back machine could easily be seen as an attack on religion and a “poisoning of young minds” with horrible thoughts of independent thinking and the horrors of power going amok. And if ideas alone were not enough to get the book banned, there is some pretty graphic violence, including a scene where one character gets half his face ripped off by another and a scene where Lyra gets attacked that left me more than disturbed.

My final opinion on the book is shaky at best. I had more to complain about than praise and felt that reading this book was more of a chore than a pleasure. There are friends I would recommend this to, but none that I would like to talk about it with. I doubt I will ever finish this series, or even continue it, even though there is a cliffhanger at the end. I would recommend this to kids and adults who liked Harry Potter but thought those books had too many interesting things in it.

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