B is for Belle, Jennifer, Animal Stackers

Animal Stackers by Jennifer Belle
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

As reviewed by Drunken Hobo Chet


Whosa what now with this book? I’m flim flamed to wonder what was the though process behind making a book so full of nothin’, yet chock full of the jibba jabba. Let me tell ya what I’m talking about:

This book’s all messed up. See, what happened was the author and the illustrator went the Marvel approach with this, it seems to me, but don’t worry about that cause I’m a simple hobo. The rails are my lady and my lady is fine. What I mean to say is that they came up with this alphabet, and instead of thinking “Hey, there’s a song about that, why not leave it at that?” they decided to get those letters, you know the one’s... There’s “A”, then “B”, and so on going all’s the way to “Y”.

I hear ya, “What about ‘Z’?” you yell into the cold night, the lonely night where the alphabet has no meaning. It should end in “Y” cause that’s the only question worth asking. But this book don’t. It ends in “Z” so all that don’t mean nothing.

Any whoozle, these people took the grand tradition of the alphabet and they made a picture book slash poem book out of it. At least that was the grand design. The whole thing works like a the way the old comic books used to do, the Marvel way. See this lady took the alphabetical order and she thought of all the words that could go along with that. Then she takes the letter of that word for that letter, and then she throws other words at that one to make some macka packa whatsa doodle that I guess passes for poetry. The picture guy, he takes them words and makes them a picture. While a picture is often one thousand words, these are around ten to twenty, if you take my meaning. That don’t make the pictures bad, just all nonsensical and gobbledy gook.

They all like that, all crazy like a dog that ate the chili on Sunday in church, ‘cept once or twice there’s some subterfuge a happ’nin. Fer example:

"Down in Chinatown
Roaring at all who pass,
And accidentally passing
Gas as flames shoot
Out of her
Nostrils."

That’s verbatim word for word DRAGON poetry, but if you look, you can see the devil in them DRAGON words. No Bilbo Baggins trickery here, just a subtle nod for you and yours to think the word “ass.” And that ain’t right. But the dragon's drawn all scary, so that's nice.

Got some windows you need washing? I’ll work for some nice apple pie!

Thanks, Chet!
Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

A is for Allard: 100 Books, The Stupids Have a Ball #atozchallenge

The Stupids Have a Ball by Harry G. Allard
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Stupids Have a Ball by Harry Allard and James Marshall, as reinterpreted by Betty Lou from Circulation

Beware, Thar be... you know what? Forget it. Onward!

The book begins with a scathing indictment of the national education system as well as parenting as both children seem to be doing poorly yet their lack of effort is praised. They are even rewarded for their ineptitude with a costume ball, the preparation and execution therein complete the narrative.

The authors make a point to show how the tactics of the rich and moronic upper class force the lower class, in this case a cat and dog, prepare balloons, punch and invitations. The upper class, i.e. “Parents”, only include themselves in the final activity and have difficulty doing even that, mocking the upper class’s inablility to do even simple tasks.

As we near the party, we are exposed to even more extremes the rich and idle go through to waste their moneys. Costumes such as “George Washing Machine,” a bastardization of our nation's noble leader, show the depths to which the upper class reach to shame our great nation. Other costumes are clearly metaphors for how the rich and poor should interact, including Ma as “spaghetti” being all wrapped up in herself and the dog as “The Bone Ranger,” a call for the unwashed masses to take back what they can through vigilante means if they must to reach a state of justice.

As the guests arrive, you can see the extent the authors feel they need to go to chastise the rich and powerful. One guest arrives on a duck, which we all know as the Celtic symbol for transition, signifying a change in status quo is approaching.

A sad moment comes halfway through the book as Grandfather Stupid arrives down a chimney dressed as the Easter Bunny. Oh, this painful scene forces the reader to confront the idea that not only will we age and die, but we will collapse into the gaping maw of Alzheimer’s if our nation’s healthcare does not improve.
The final scene comes as a crushing blow not only to the reader but to society as a whole when we learn that, despite everyone wearing costumes, none but the Stupids themselves were aware this was a costume ball. By forcing us to look back into ourselves, this revelation begs the question, “Are we all at a costume ball where no one wore a costume?” Think on that, dear reader.

I can only recommend The Stupids Have a Ball to the most studied among us. True, juveniles may find the embellishments humorous, but true scholars will find so much more beneath the surface.

Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) we will blog using the alphabet as our guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

Check out my 100 Book Challenge under the Book Reviews tab.

Books For Morons: Review

Books for Morons by Banned Library Books

5 out of 5 on the Awesome Meter of Awesomeness (*****)

Yet another wonderful entry in the "For Morons" series, Books for Morons is half tell-all, half instruction into the seedy world of "books" and "reading".  Full page pictures show how to choose a book, get the book home, and then enjoy reading the book.

Pop-up pages are sure to delight as they spring from the page, often accompanied by a sound of pages turning.  New "scent producers" sewn into every page allow you to choose a variety of reading environments, such as subway, bus and library, to prepare you for the diverse areas one may enjoy a "book."

I must stress that despite containing full color illustrations and audio/video capabilities, this helpful tome is not for the young.  Anyone under the age of 18 should be supervised due to the ideas contained withing these "pages."  As Books for Morons will tell you, books can lead to creativity, ideas, and learning, activities that can be harmful to some.

Add Momma To the Train: Porno Review #atozchallenge

The opposite of this,
but less boobs

Add Momma to the Train starring Bruno West, White Mama Church and introducing Dr. Don Slapalot.

3 1/3 out of 5 Thumbs All Up In (***1/3)

****Beware, Thar Be Spoilers****

Summary
Bruno West stars as Mike Hardbone, professional architect and librarian.  Everything is going Mike's way until a chance meeting with a beautiful stranger, White Mama Jones played by White Mama Church, throws his world upside down.  Jones suggests they take a trip north on a train, and they ride the hell out of that train.  At the same time, there's a doctor having sex in a Winnebago.

There are pieces of art, then there are ways to put the audience in the lap of the actors and watch them live and breathe.  Watching Add Momma To the Train, the audience believes they are a part of the train with every shake, twist and gyration.  From the cabins decorated with historical accuracy to the people coming in and out of every shot, the world is made complete.  Only great direction and casting can make such a tour de force push the audience to such climaxes.

The characters form a narrative that if not taken from Shakespeare, should cause The Bard himself to bow his head in subjugation.  From the rich and flowing dialog to the subtle pauses in action, each actor gives it his all to the actress or actresses in every scene.  The transformations in movement as the story progresses rivals the best love stories of all time, kicking the shit out of Romeo and Juliet.

This leads us to the plot.  Oh, sweet sunny Superman, the plot moves as a ballet dancer moves along a tight rope, should that ballerina be a gymnast that really likes ropes.  Just as the story feels like it is going off the rails, something gets railed but good, and twists and turns to land directly where it should be.  Back to front, up to down, left to left to right to left, this goes beyond a character study and becomes an audience study, turning the meta aspect into a deeper penetration of the human soul.  

Only one thing can give pause during every tantalizing moment of this journey.  The fact that this is only a movie, and a pornographic one at that, drops this film down in rating.  Like Icarus flying too close to the sun, this film reaches the depths of the Uncanny Valley and does not pull itself out again.  This film is too close to real life and therefore can not save itself from its own inadequacy of perfection.

Why was it banned?

It's a porn.  There's sex and naked people.  More than the whole of all of Judy Blume's writings combined. Some may also question the religious and evolution inquiries various actresses ask during climactic parts, including dialog such as "Oh, God, yes, my monkey man, do me like that.  Yes. Yes."  Such items may ask questions that parents are not ready to discuss with their children.

Explanation: Each day in the month of April 2012 (starting the first Sunday, then excluding every other Sunday) I will blog using the alphabet as my guide. I will link each post to the letter and you can find them all on this page. If you want to keep up with the challenge for my fellow bloggers, check out the A to Z Challenge Page.

P.S. April Fool's. Have a great day!

100 Books: Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan

Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The story is centered around five teenagers who plot to kidnap but accidentally kill their English teacher, Mr. Griffin. No real spoiler, it’s the title. The kids attempt to cover their crime throughout the novel, suffering mental and spiritual breakdowns as each of them shows a bit of character.


The actual location of this novel is forgettable at best, helping to boost the tone that this could happen anywhere yet touches of location keep the reader wondering where this is taking place, much like an internet story without a dateline. To keep the novel current, the edition under review has been revised to include such items as cell phones, the Internet and other technology that were not present in 1978. The update damages the novel, almost forcing the questions of “why don’t they just look it up/call their cell?” that would have been evident yet forgiven to modern audiences. Modern audiences are aware, subconsciously or not, that modern conveniences update at a rapid pace and do not expect them in literature/film. This would be like giving the Lone Ranger a car, yet having Tonto still ride a horse. The inclusion is inconsistent and painful to read.

One can forgive the characters their technological follies as they are both bland and compelling, a contradiction that one can blame more on the author than the characters. We are told more about them than we actually see, making this novel a dated edition of the teen genre rather than the more nuanced characters that we see in modern teen fiction (prices and participation may vary). Example: the main villain is said to be a master manipulator, yet the only time we see him really manipulate someone he seems less reasonable and more demanding, an effect of peer pressure rather than his own charisma. The characters are reacting to him from their own past experiences, not from what the reader has seen. If this character was selling drugs, kids from the 80s would be yelling “Just Say No” at him and running away.

The rest of the cast reads the same way, walking through situations much in the same way a character in an after school special soap opera would. To their credit, they all have motives that shift and grow as the novel moves, but have no room to breathe within the narrative. The best I can say is the characters feel real in the way reality television feels real, bland people forced into a narrative that could be compelling if the editor finds just the right moments.

The story structure follows the same frustrating pacing as the characters. Skipping around from person to person, we find the characters forced to react to coincidence and circumstance. Our characters do something, something happens between chapters, our characters react. At times, we get the jarring narrative of someone on the periphery, like the character’s parents, that seems almost filler yet is included to provide character information that should be given by the character’s actions. Running rampant throughout the narrative are large chunks of exposition to scenes that the reader has just read. I almost want to believe this novel was serialized month to month in “Seventeen” magazine by the constant need to update the reader. I think this may be a trend in teen fiction to keep the younger reader present in the narrative, but other writers seem to hide this practice better than this book does.

Overall, this book is more of a character study than a narrative. What would Average Joe Teenager Kid do if he accidentally killed somebody? If this book had been written today, the pitch for it would be “What if the Breakfast Club killed Principal Vernon?” The same type of stereotypes exist (athlete, brain, basket case, princess, criminal) yet are made more real through their reactions to each incident that arises. The problem with the book comes when the reader is told that action rather than having the characters, I dunno, act it out.

Why was it banned?
The main characters kill their teacher. Sure, they do not mean to, but even thinking about kidnapping your teacher is frowned upon in today’s school climate. The usual argument of fighting authority could be applied, as kidnapping/killing your teacher is a rather anti-schoolin message. The kids also drink beer and do drugs, so the PG rating is well earned in that regard.

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Killing Mr. Griffin, Chapter 19: The Truth is Boring #evanreviews

What would happen if Quentin Tarantino took a blow to the head and started writing John Hughes-esque teen fiction? This book, that’s what. Welcome back to Evan Reviews for Chapter 19 of Killing Mr. Griffin. The names have been changed to protect me from getting bored.

So things got a little hot in that last chapter, huh? Duckling was smoking! And who was that unmasked woman? Onward!

******BEWARE THAR BE SPOILERS********

Summary
Duckling's mom barges into her room, announcing that the Snape baby was birthed. Duckling does not respond, so the mother prods her, wondering if Duckling and the reader want to know why Lady Preggo Snape (now just Lady Snape plus Baby Snape) and Det. Gordon saved her from the fire. We get all the information from the previous chapter about kidnapping and investigation, all to the tune of Duckling's indifference. Then we get the bombshell that all the adults are blaming the creepy Rocksteady kid and not our wonderful Duckling! Well, mostly.

The mother then goes into an explanation about Rocksteady's psycology that rivals the last ten minutes of Psycho telling us why Norman liked to dress up as his mom. Then there's some legal mumbo jumbo about how all the kids will be tried in court, leading me to believe they did not get away with it at all. Mom wants Duckling to turn state's evidence against the rest of the Killing Club and get some therapy. Mom leaves, telling Duckling they need new curtains.

Duckling then gets out the assignment she did for Snape at the beginning of the book. Not Preggo returned it to her, because that's what you do with the person who killed your husband. At the bottom of the poem, there's a really nice note from Snape saying he will see her next year and hopes she has a wonderful summer and that they will be besties forever. The author reflects that Duckling can not cry as she puts the book to bed.

Observations
1. Well, that's the end. Other than the usual argument against the exposition dump at the end, this is a well put together chapter wrapping up the story. As I said above, it is very much like the end of Psycho, kinda boring end to a fairly well told story. I would have liked to see the point of view of the other characters, particularily El Guapo, but the view from a broken writer is sometimes the best we get. Stay tuned for the review.

Thank you, this has been today's #evanreviews

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Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins: Book Review

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Summary
After the Hunger Games, Katniss lives a now quiet life, going about her business and never having any trouble again. Just kidding. Every relationship she has is strained as she experiences every symptom of posttraumatic stress that can be imagined. This is all comes to a head when she learns other districts are in revolt. As District 12 comes under more and more pressure from the controlling Capitol, she learns that she will once again be put back into the Hunger Games to fight for her life.


As in the first book, the setting is rich and believable as a dystopian nightmare. Increasing the tension of poverty and governmental control, District 12 becomes a more unbearable and almost suffocating for both the reader and Katniss. As we move to the other districts, the Capitol and the Arena, we get a sense of the wider world and how the games affect not just our hero but everyone.

Speaking of everyone, we get a bunch of new characters from around Panem’s districts. Without giving too much of the plot away, many of the winners from past Hunger Games are introduced, giving the reader a very complex view of what it takes to win in a “there can be only one” scenerio. For the existing characters, more backstory is added to give everyone a more detailed character, such as how Haymitch won his Games and the fallout of that.

The plot of this story is the road to all out rebellion and kicking ass at it. Katniss becomes stronger in her resolve to fight the Capitol control as does the other districts. This resolve comes not only with themes of “what is right” but with sacrifice and honor. A fitting middle chapter, this book not only builds on the original but sets up the next in spectacular fashion.

Why was it banned?
This book has been banned for many of the reasons its predecessor was banned: violence and adult themes. People die, and this book is not afraid to show death and the ramifications that come from it. One could also argue that, like the original, this book encourages dissidence and rebellion from authority. Whether this is true in context or not, developing minds may not understand the difference between an Orwellian government and their math teacher.

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